duivel World!

2011-07-16T21:58:00.002+08:00

I'm empty, Im feeling bored,
this isn't helping as I need to focus on my studies.
I guess it's must be a side effect.
I don't want to feel this way , I want this feeling out.

I'm crystal clear now and I need to get this out.
Maybe when Im away for awhile things might be better
This is why.... I shouldn't have .. And should not let it be...

I will fix this for sure and I will because I know I can do it.

For now I shall study, I'm thinking how to cope with everything when I feel like sleeping

For now I rest my soul here a while and fight my war head on

2011-06-21T02:09:00.002+08:00

I have enough of everything,
I'm grasping for air that when I breathe in,
I dont get enough oxygen.

My chest is hurting for real. Lol.. Maybe my wish is coming soon.

I should start distancing myself from everyone as this way everyone would be safer around me
To my friends I'm sorry but this is my ultimatum to not get anyone involved.
I understand you guys have your problem to deal with and you don't need me to add into your
List of problems, thanks for being my friend, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Goodnite and goodbye
major duivel

2011-06-12T13:19:00.000+08:00

Alors on danse
Alors on danse
Alors on danse
Qui dit étude dit travail,
Qui dit taf te dit les thunes,
Qui dit argent dit dépenses,
Qui dit crédit dit créance,
Qui dit dette te dit huissier,
Oui dit assis dans la merde.
Qui dit Amour dit les gosses,
Dit toujours et dit divorce.
Qui dit proches te dis deuils car les problèmes ne viennent pas seul.
Qui dit crise te dis monde dit famine dit tiers- monde.
Qui dit fatigue dit réveille encore sourd de la veille,
Alors on sort pour oublier tous les problèmes.
Alors on danse… (x9)
Et la tu t’dis que c’est fini car pire que ça ce serait la mort.
Qu’en tu crois enfin que tu t’en sors quand y en a plus et ben y en a encore!
Ecstasy dis problème les problèmes ou bien la musique.
Ca t’prends les trips ca te prends la tête et puis tu prie pour que ça s’arrête.
Mais c’est ton corps c’est pas le ciel alors tu t’bouche plus les oreilles.
Et là tu cries encore plus fort et ca persiste…
Alors on chante
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala,
Alors on chante
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala
Alors on chante
Alors on chante
Et puis seulement quand c’est fini, alors on danse.
Alors on danse (x7)
Et ben y en a encore (x5)

English Translation:

So We Just Dance
So we just dance
So we just dance
So we just dance
When we say study, it means work,
When we say work, it means money,
When we say money, it means spending
When we say credit, it means debt,
When we say debt, it means bailiff,
We agree to being in deep sh*t
When we say love, it means kids,
When we say forever, it means divorce.
When we say family, we say grief, because misfortune never comes alone.
When we say crisis, we talk about the wold, famine and then third world.
When we say tiredness, we talk about waking up still deaf from sleepless night
So we just go out to forget all our problems.
So we just dance… (X9)
So you say that it’s over because the only thing worse would be death.
When you finally think you’ll make it, there’s more and more!
Ecstasy means a problem, problems or just music.
It grabs you by the guts, it takes hold of your head and then you pray for it to end.
But your body is no heaven so you block your ears even more.
And then you yell even louder and it goes on…
So we just sing
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala,
So we just sing
Lalalalalala, Lalalalalala,
So we just sing
So we just sing
And then only when it’s over, then we dance.
So we just dance (x7)
And well, there’s still more (x5)

2011-06-09T15:23:00.002+08:00

2011-05-28T17:01:00.000+08:00

If only our mind is like a hard-drive which we can press a button and wipe out everything in mere seconds. The pain, the happiness, the different flavours of life would be deleted instantly from just one click. And when that happen you will become a person, who dun even remember who you were, how you were and the people around you would seems to be faces, you never seen before.
My vision on how I view the world was from bleak to grey to dark. The saddest part of me which is im not color-blinded by nature, but with what I’m seeing right now. It all in black and white which equivalence of being a color-blind personnel, with no such thing as colors existed.
I had to view the world thru a lens to see the color, to feel what it was and to store what I felt somewhere in this hard-drive of mine.

at times when I was younger I would draw these files from my compartment to view them to feel human again, as when time goes by the humanity side of me is leaving. And im starting to be a soul-less person who is just an empty shell walking around.
And at times there are some files like in the hard-drive which are hidden documents which should never be open as it would be like a virus that might corrupt my either mood. And such folders would only be opened once in awhile when there are a need to store more of such things in there.
I may sound sick by relating this to a computer. Now how I wish is to hit the plug to shut the computer down, when it stop beating that is when it really get completely deleted from this world.
For now I guess I shall carry on being a zombie walking around without a heartbeat and heart to being with.
-----
Being sane isn’t as easy as being insane.
being smart isn’t that difficult that being stupid.
Being logical isn’t a good thing too.
Now tell me if life is hard. Why bother?
Why bother so much in achieving so much to please other but not yourself.
-----

unstable atom in the house,
DUIVEL

2011-04-29T00:51:00.002+08:00

It been awhile since I last blog. So much had happen and change in my absence of blogging. I didn’t really mean there is changes in myself but things around me that made my lifestyle in a mess right now.

studies is still going alright, Im still trying to cope with it as always thanks to my group of friends we are helping each other out as much as we can.
Recently I did something which I can’t undo. Which kind of was my first grave mistake after a long time, never have I been so pushed into a corner and have things shove down my throat which I can’t fight against it.
Never once the water had ripples occurring that it is actually brewing up a storm somewhere, which no matter what it like I’m going to face it with the duivel style head-on.
i somehow feel that Something had change in me and I am trying to shut that dysfunctional part down and fix it but no matter how hard I try, it just get bigger. It’s like a parchment with a drop of ink from a fountain pen holding against the paper and the link slowly seeping into the paper and it just starts to spread to its surrounding without a way to reverse the procedure. Even by lifting the pen up to stop it, it’s already too late, as once a clean parchment has already been stained. The only way is toss the paper away or find a way to cover up the stain to make it less obvious that it had been soiled.
What can I do now? I’m trying to seek a answer that I even resort asking my oracle book for answers. The best thing is that I am typing this blog with my eye close letting my finger feels it way thru the keyboard of my lappy. As its my mind speaking on its own.
How am I going to readjust everything and make it perfect for myself again?
that I’m already doubting myself what is called perfect and what is called myself when I don’t even know myself. And how could perfect a word really explain the true perfectness when that is something which can’t be obtain in any world, as go by the famous saying “nothing is perfect” .

I could see the breaking point coming on soon, so how do I make sure I hold it together for sure as I’m sure this time when it got broken thru this time it’s hard to patch things back as im very sure the our pouring feelings and thoughts and intention isn’t going to be good in any sense. Guess “I” am really going to let me be myself soon, the real me soon.
Guess I have murdered myself and let the other self take over till when it get murdered and captured by the other self and lock the “real” one up again.

WELCOME BACK To the world of darkness again.

MAJOR DUIVEL

2011-03-31T15:42:00.000+08:00

One of my favourite month is coming to an end. This month have been like a dream I never had in a way. even though my studies It’s hard to study as everytime when I stare at the lecture notes it give me a headache, but today is my Stats 1400 final exams. I am going in with lots of confidence and calm. Which I wanted this to be done and over with. But today is the last day of the month of march, I have been so busy that I forget to come down of my cloud number nine after my birthday. And after today is the mark of April I wonder would april be as good as march. my friends, Im missing their company, I sort of “bailed” out of their outing due to my exams. I went broke in the start of march lol.. I hope I wont keep up this streak in april as I cant afford to be poor in april, when my threadless shirt and my jersey arrived I bet I will be hahaha.. I am too calm to be true for my exams now. I will be having a discussion with my friends at 5.30pm at my campus. And my test is 7pm. Just to clear up any final doubts before heading in for the exams. BORING……… Boring………… I AM DYING. I want to go out to play. Lol….

2011-03-10T23:08:00.001+08:00

Hello my lovely blog,

It’s been a long time since I updated.
Recent events it had been so eventful that it was like a mark of a new chapter in my life.
starting with my birthday, it was a mind blowing day that I had fun thanks to my friends.

the sweetest thing was before my birthday I already gotten a birthday gift from a friend whom I just known not long ago. It was very heartwarming how this friend of mine was being so sweet and thoughtful. The best thing was She the first person to text my mobile wishing me at 12 midnight sharp. The best thing was I did the same back to her in less than 24 hrs as her birthday was the next day of mine lol.
So I started out my day on my birthday sleeping till 11+am lol.. Gotten up with my mom giving me a big hug Haha.. yes I teased her a bit as she tried to carry me up , which ended I telling shouldn’t it be the other way around and I lifted her up haha with a breeze lol.
but after getting ready and stuff I grab some brunch with my brother and rushes to school. Yes I have lesson on my birthday but thanks goodness it was tutorial so I went empty handed just doing some lab stuff and kill time till 5pm. When I was finish with lab at 5pm, I went to Clarke quay with a VERy hungry stomach as brunch wasn’t that filling at all.

I started hunting food around, the central, at Clarke quay for something to eat which is not too heavy and I would be able to eat more stuff for dinner at Ma Maison. While walking around the central I couldn’t decide what to eat till I receive a text from mark saying he was at Clarke quay. So I went to meet up with him telling him how Hungry I was and to my surprise he was in the same situation as me.
After walking around the basement for something to eat, we settle for some Japanese finger food. (Salmon sashimi, bacon wraps and gyoza Which is very light for us , and when jenny came along she grab something light to eat too. )

By then it was already 6+pm which our dinner reservation was at 7pm. We made our way to Mai maison, which I keep forgetting it name previously (but now I remember it clearly lol) and got our seats first due to prior reservation of 6 pax which in the end only 4 of us were there.
The food was awesome, I would give them ambience a 10/10, the food a 10/10 and the service 10/10, FULL marks from me. We enjoyed our meal so much that we eat and chat all the way till around 9pm.
After dinner, that when the party started. HEHE… well we did abit of walking here and there before heading into Pump room. mark tried to throw me off with a distraction present lol.. but I wasn’t that disappointed but I end up laughing and telling him, but im getting a iphone soon. But he assure me I still could use it for my iphone.

When I went to the pump room, Steph was already there with daryll, grinning ear to ear. Then she dished out the present to me after some pushing from mark and daphne, they even recorded my reaction to the present.
After present opening it was fun and partying all the way. That how I spent my birthday, for the first time I never felt so much happier during my birthday.

I really thank them for making it possible :)

Now coming to today, it was a great day too.
Even though I am still in a very high mood after my birthday, I find it hard to concentrate on my studies in a way. But I will try to focus, as much as I can as exam is coming soon.

ps: A quick Happy birthday to myself :)

Cheers,
Major Duivel

2011-03-03T22:53:00.001+08:00

Time flew real fast, and now the March wind is blowing the land.
The past few weeks it had been rather rough and rocky that my boat nearly capsize on me that even though with many life jackets around me. I didn’t feel calm at all; I went all lost and empty when all my life buoy came towards me to help me out.

I finally realized that my life buoy is not something to stare at or it not something that is there without a purpose. This time I reach out and touch one of those buoys which made me realized so much more than I could never have thought. It made me realized that I have so many buoys in my life is just I never reach out and grab them to help me out. And these life buoys really try their best to support me in staying alive when the storm was very rough.

I think while fighting through the storm alone, which I finally cave in to get a life buoys support, my body is already drain and crashing down on me that recently I didn’t know how did I manage to scrape through without drowning.

My sanity is already on the verge of crumbling down. Thanks to my buoys around me who are going through the same thing as me that help me ease the pain a little.
My days seem to be so bleak that every single one seems to be the same. I am starting to see a colourless world again, now where is my color lens to help me adjust back the color in my life.

2011-02-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

I guess my mood Is in a complete state of mess. Physically and mentally I am already dead, my mind is so tired and it has been pushed to the max. Today the whole day of Feb. 14 I was having a super trashy mood as dark thoughts were really running through my mind as it seems this time the overwhelming emo-ness is not going away I was so unhappy and not self motivated that I was basically slacking off plus the stress building up in me is not reducing either.

Somehow I felt so empty, alone that I needed my very close friends, but I had not talk to anyone the whole day and worst I was at home alone, I text my best friend which I knew he is very busy as he is flying off to work overseas for 3months and he might be busy packing his luggage, knowing him very well he have not completed packing yet. He didn’t reply my text which I didn’t really expect any reply either as I knew that I would already by now know what to do and he would know I just wanted to tell someone only.

On Saturday night I had a drink with my brother and we finish a bottle of brandy. Which when I got home and sleep in the wee hours on Sunday, with only 5-6 hrs of sleep and we both got up for brunch. And then in less than 12hrs I had to undergo tons of frustration which by the time it was up for me to leave the house to meet my friends. I left without a thought and also in a rush as I seriously was making my friend wait for me in town area. I went there and started telling my friend what happen, which she quietly listen to me and I also chat with her some other stuff.
After that we meet up with the rest of the gang which was meeting up later. I calm down instantly enjoying their company. I updated my best friend which he felt apologetic that he did really get any update from me about what is going on, as I gave him a brief summary and he went “it happened again?” I just nodded my head and told him I had enough that if I could really find a gun and put it directly at my temple, I will pull the trigger without even blinking or think.
For those few hours, I knew everyone of us has our problems and we were trying to catch up seriously to know. I came back home feeling dull too, as the problems were still around and it wont go away with just one outing with friends.

then the thought just entered my mind IF I have another half how good it would be as it would be a great distraction as long it is not adding on to my problems. Which I doubt so, my life is wrapped around dramas. That sometimes it get so drastic that im wondering am I having depression. Haha… Me with depression, maybe a mental break down soon, if I don’t find more sanity.
I wonder is it really the buildup in stress and tiredness that is Bring me down completely. This time it was any wrong move but external factors causing me to crumble from internally.

I somehow feel lucky that I don’t Smoke or I might die at the age of 45,And Im not considering an easy way out of things.

Ok Anyway back to today, I felt touch in a way. A friend of mine wished me happy new year, somehow it’s like someone was reaching out to you after I have not been in contact for so long. I knew that it was a very sincere quick chat, which it lighten my mood abit which then after that I pm one other friend on msn. And again I wasn’t expecting a reply Haha… I knew that everyone is busy. And 90% of the rest are working or studying. And I don’t want to call up anyone of them and say I want to talk but I don’t know what to say. As I only wanted the company and listen to them but not any talking abt myself that just weird I know HAHAHA… Im such a freak, and I am not on a leash yet. Then I can go sing “FREAK ON A leash” well HAHHAA technically the word leash has many other association with it.

Welcome back the real DUIVEL.
You dominated this time for sure and you won.

2011-02-08T00:49:00.000+08:00

I guess I have been in a couple of shit moods. when I am out with my friends I know I’m in a unhappy mood and I was trying to shake it off by forgetting everything and enjoy myself with them. But I seriously think that things are getting out of hands even among us friends there are issues which had been lingering for too long and we never wanted to deal with it in the first place, because as usual it was better to leave it on its own. However, someone in the group always has to be the getting the shit. which was not fair to that particular friend, who always get yelled at or picked on for no apparent reasons.

The first trigger of my bad mood was my chem test which made me look like an idiot, and my beloved friends were nice to bring me out to clear my head and have fun. Then it was followed by a busy schedule CNY with so many things to get prepared for this occasion. Which I was just trying to have a light mood to it and be happy, but I guess the lack of sleep is killing me.

There is so much frustration among the group members that every one of them is going berserk soon. Sometimes I disagree with the saying “it’s always best to have a new friend then have an enemy” because I rather lose this friend and have he/she as an enemy than to make all our lives better.
I think Im starting to lose my nice self.

2011-01-28T16:14:00.000+08:00

Holy Smokey.. today is my exam day LOl…
I have been cramming since yesterday as I was feeling much better yesterday. Which was good, my diarrhea isn’t being a pain in the neck and my neck isn’t that stiff anymore and overall I felt great.After cramming everything in my head, now it is really information overloaded, and I am started to be slightly nervous over the exam.

*Breathe in and out* *smack face* “GAME ON!”

I am ready for my test at 7pm. But before that I shall do some light read through to just look thru it lol :)

2011-01-18T22:28:00.002+08:00

FML~~~~~ I in a state of mess right now, in less than a week on 28th I would be having my final exam for chem 1103.

Gosh… I am still not even done with my studies for Carbohydrates and proteins and revise on everything. It’s so nail biting to find out that my final paper is over 120 marks this send me into a massive panic. I have a ego which I don’t want to admit, I want to get a HD for this module or for every single module, but I don’t get HD I wont mind as long I get something desirable which is like a “A” or “B” so I know I am very greedy. But I had always been like that, haven i? Setting a goal for myself to attain once I set my mind to it. I want to get as many HD as possible and maybe see my name on the dean list if possible Haha… that is a big egoistic dream. Lol..

I am so afraid that I might forget everything I study on my test day.Plus with all this studying I have not even go shopping for my new year clothing yet which can be kinda stressful as there is so much things to do yet there is so little time.

9 more days argh......

2010-12-30T22:49:00.003+08:00

Well 29th december is ciara birthday , I had been giving it some thought after our Christmas wishes. Everything from facebook,msn and text message were what we send each other for Christmas wishes and telephone conversation wishes was the only one not being ticked. therefore since after that I was giving it some thoughts of Wishing her personally lol.. That when the phone call come in place, sucky thing was

I wanted to give her a surprise on 12 midnight exactly but I cant as I was working so, On Wednesday afternoon at my time 4pm I was still excited about calling but since I was at work and they are like 16 hrs different from us. I was think since when I got back home it would be like 3-4 + am so I shall wait and rest for the night and call her back later in the morning.

Which at 7am today my brother got me up, and made me drive like I was in a grand prix lol.. as I had to deliver him his identification card which I made the trip twice, since it is important for his traffic police test for motorbike. At 7.30+am I decided to give it a shot, as it was 3+pm coming to 4pm in SD. Alas she didn’t answer the phone and I was wondering to myself. That maybe she is busy,since it was her birthday. So I doze back to sleep and woke up at 10am. Which was already 7+pm there, which I tried again and this time it went thru, all the reaction and response I expected to received, did came through. I couldn’t help but found it amusing lol.

We chat for awhile before we both have to go. *smile* I love giving surprises when I want to lol..

After the phone call I had to do some paper work stuff for my dad before doing a lot of errand for the rest of my afternoon which technically burned my afternoon, as I wanted to set it aside for studying. During lunch before I set off for my errands running about, I spotted Jessie, whom was wearing a purple dress. it was quite nice actually, however she is busy and I was in a rush I left without saying hello but drop her a sms lol…. As I was leaving

Today had been a long day, firstly waiting for 2hr just for a piece of paper was a nightmare for me. then a long ass drive to get some documents submitted.

Ok I better wipe the smirk off my face after seeing Ciara reply on FB lol…
it's cold in woodlands at night, it's like i am in new zealand during the day lol... the cool wind is blowing again this year. That why i love staying in this house. It's so cold that i have turn down my fan and snug up into my Comforter and sleep :)

2010-12-28T01:33:00.001+08:00

After a friend tried digging into me, trying to get me to open up. Basically it was done in a way like using a crowbar trying to pry open a gently box. Well we were chitchatting on the phone till I cant believe it 4am+, I didn’t really tell much to my friend about my life all this while. But maybe during that moment when I open the door and shut others to let out what I want only has caused me to feel emotionally unstable and it like the dam finally has a hole which is going to cause a great pressure and it will just burst.(somehow I feel like if the person read this, is going to kill me, AND NO U DIDN’T FORCE ME TO say what I said that day on what I shared with u. So this is not like blaming you okay *smile* )

So what happen was I didn’t reveal anything drastic/ or alot to this friend as we ended the call early and call it for the night. As I was coughing so badly that it was not helping either, So turning in for the night seems to be the best idea.
So basically I slept on Wednesday morning lol… my body was super tired as I woke up like early for my precious mikey.

When I met up with a friend later on, she was helping me out with something, nothing too serious. I decided to give it a try and let out my darkest secret. It’s like after hide the skeleton in my closet so I let out one which I feel she was not aware of. As for the rest of the gang I think they MAY or May not know since Lenny was always teasing me around them so yeah... I guess they did catch on with the teasing and squabble I have with lenny on that topic. And if anyone out there thinks that I am in a relationship with LENNY, DEFINITELY NOT. Lol…

SO I TOLD JENNY, about my personal taste of things. And I did open up to tell her or rather share what I went through in a summary way with all those feeling and memories swelling up my mind(it didn’t felt good). I felt the monster fighting to explode outwards when I started telling her instantly. She listened and shared with me as she was surprised that I encountered almost similar stuff to her. It was a gamble I had to take, to know the truth behind somethings.
So basically on theory we encounter is almost the same thing just I think mine is more complex unlike hers but well everyone has a different past. She agrees that she understand why Lenny and I are so much matured of our age compared to her, whom is much older than both of us, and is embarrass to face us at times. Because all our thinking and decision we made are so much wiser and matured which she won’t even get to come up with or know what to do even at her age. Quote from her “ It’s like you are a 23 years old but your thinking is like a 30 year old. Which is rather shocking… I had wish I was as strong as you and lenny”

I told jenny at the moment of time I decided to let out that important secret first which was about how I am slowly feeling comfortable where I will place my heart at. (*evil smile* this is seriously a vague phrase im not being direct lol ;p if u don’t understand IF U READ THIS AND WANT TO Clarify on what u read just come ask me.) She told me : “this is like the most significant moment in my life for you to share with me what you have told me”

I apologies to her as I didn’t expect to tell her almost 50% of my things as I told her it’s like Im breaking down internally part by part after isolating things when answering my friends question in the wee hours. However Lenny knows everything, he heard me explain everything with the monster running loose.(she didn’t need to know, lenny know everything lol, as in 98%)
I was lucky to do a rain check that the monster was being locked up because I felt that the more I said the more it will be released and the person you see in front of you would be a different one.
Why did I say I was gambling on this person to share my thing.
I want to see how much I should trust this person after knowing for 5 years. Somehow my trust level is not so high but I think she is a person who will keep secret. And if it doesn’t get kept then I will know what to do then *smile* everything always has a plan.
I’m still the evil one, doing such a thing and only I would be able to do it.
Before we parted our ways, I did state that I trust her enough, as I know that she won’t Declare to everyone about this but if it was someone else, That Bitch, It would then be a different story then. So I did boost up that confidence level of her towards me as a friend.
DAMN I FEEL EVIL AND BAD. But anyway that secret is a real one anyway. We shall see how it goes. But I was being 99% genuine wanting to be her friend for real for the first time. To get to know what the hell is going on in that Skull.

DUIVEL

2010-12-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

What an emotional rollercoaster.

14months ago on 14th of October my grandma pass away. It was a very hard blow for all of us, however exactly 12 months later(1 year) we were still very stricken by the feeling that we lost a important family member around us, especially when I saw the photos of my gram. And on Tuesday morning,14 of December my auntie passed on, which was too sudden for anyone of us to accept.
Yesterday, I had the same feeling coming over me when I was on the way to the crematory(it was just the same as one year ago.) It was exactly the same type of weather and the journey to the crematory was that heavy stricken. It was raining a little when we arrived at the crematory, I couldn’t help but find it funny that during my grandma funeral. When I arrived at the crematory I rushed to look for a toilet as nature call was so spot on as always and it was the same for yesterday.

When I walked into the service hall with my relative I was shocked as this is exactly the same hall my grandma held her final service before … anyway there is too many coincident, 14th of the month with a duration of 14 months apart, 14 seems to be like the number which seems to be appearing among us.

the service where some familiar ppl coming to wish us for our lost. Felt so similar to my grandma that I was slightly sadden by it as memories of that day keep appearing before me.
The worst part was the viewing gallery which my grandma coffin was set into, was the same one as my grandma again. this time when I was inside I was trying to control my emotion but it started to flow out as I saw my auntie coffin being loaded into the roller device. The wail of my cousin and niece caused every family member to cry and even my brother whom I saw was holding it back too was tearing while looking out for my cousin just in case he might faint or bump his head,whereas I was supporting my niece from the back. For that moment of time I was very convince that it was like my grandma funeral again.

I told another cousin “the duration is too short…” “to short for us all to recover after what happen last year” twice once was 2 days ago and another was before the final service. There was this particular song which when they started playing all of us was choked in tears that even my brother would run away from It. I name that song as the “killer”song as it will definitely cause everyone of us to burst into tears immediately.

We will be okay, my family (relative and cousins) we will pull this thru and be okay in time.

Major Duivel

There is never a lasting Hello as there is a Forever Goodbye.

2010-12-13T17:35:00.000+08:00

I wonder am I too eager to score well. I mean that for my quiz I have a plan because my grades 25% comes from the quiz and I am thinking of getting this 25% fully at least I have 25% confirmed in my hands. And I only have 5 quiz so each is 5% to my final grade. My first attempt for the first quiz yesterday I got 80% and I am slightly unhappy. After that I could view my quiz and I know which one I got it wrong. And I gave it a lot of thought not only for the quiz but for my final exam I would know how to do it.

Today I got the answers I want as I slowly thought through it. Now I am left with 1 more try for my quiz and I am still not doing it yet. Btw I did share what I found out with my friend, Rachael who still have not done the quiz because there were some error with hers.

So 25% from the quiz and 25% from lab and the final 50% comes from the final paper. If I secure the 25% I would be happy but that doesn’t mean I will slack off for the final test because I have a goal to get H.D for all my units lol. I know it is abit greedy. (H.D= Highest Distinction) but that how I am.. if u know me I will always aim high in a way.
Sigh~~~ ok.. Recently my cough Is still that bad at least ONLY at night. But it can still be irritating when I am sleeping I am coughing >.<.

I hope I hurry get well soon.
Oh yeah.. I had trimmed my hair alittle and change the style alittle and now I have this Fringe lol.. which makes me like cooler lol… I won’t dare quote my mom lol... She said it loOK “sexier” lol 0_0 lol… I don’t know… cooler suits me the best

Major duivel

2010-12-11T12:09:00.001+08:00

The pesky cough is irritating me to the core. It gets so bad at night that it ultimately disturbed my sleep so much that I keep waking up from a very violent cough. And the cough is those dry irritating cough which I realized it can rupture into a massive continuous cough. And it seems like the cough have strengthen my stomach muscle that now when I cough my stomach muscles are aching like crazy. THANKS GOODNESS it is not my chest area that is hurting. I remember once I had a bad cough that whenever I cough my chest hurts because it was SO violent and painful lol.

Ok I am off to school. HEHE… I am seeing a brighter day for me now as I am starting to Warm myself up to my classmates and realized that I am making friends with ppl from RP first lol…. How weird is that lol..

2010-12-07T00:03:00.001+08:00

It has been awhile since I update.
I had started going to school how would I say, I met a nice friend, even though she might graduate earlier than me. But I am still glad I met her, Lol we always meet up 30 minutes before class to discuss our lab or any other doubts we have on the lessons.

It had been crazy I tell you. I have been super into studying. My brain is fully wrapped around this and made me like a nerd somehow. I know I can do this and I will Fight through.

HANG IN THERE ~ *tell myself*

My lecture he said something quite true today, Since you had already study so many years and you get where you are now and what you want is the piece of paper to get your dream job. Just do what u need to do and Study well. He even told us his method or rather methods to study. And I realized that is what I have been doing for his lesson since the start :) so indeed this method is a workable one haha…
somehow i can feel that he is trying to motivate us or remind us why we are there in the first place.

2010-11-20T20:54:00.001+08:00

Argh.. having a very bad headache now. And yes I SURVIVE MY FIRST Lecture and it was an 4 hour long one. It was very very brain draining, you have to write notes, listen and also understand in your own way. It’s quite tiring actually. So now I know why PPl in other poly get so tired after class.
My lecturer was nice he keep reminding us that we are on the university level and we must know to take down notes on my own without him telling us it is impt.
I cant carry on typing my brain is splitting ok I AM going to go rest.

2010-11-16T17:32:00.000+08:00

I am wondering why, why is my spirits so dampened these few days. Even though it is raining in Singapore very often now, it shouldn’t affect my mood that much. *looks out the window* how I feel to walk under the rain now, the feeling of being liberated is what I want to feel now. Or rather most of the time water calms me down and Please don’t splash water at me just when you think I am losing my cool. Because that would made me even mad instead of calm.
Somehow it’s like sitting inside an ice palace and the place just get colder and colder yet without even feeling an inch of coldness seems to be something awfully off.
Feeling down, lethargy and restless is not a very good combo. I can foresee the grumpy side is becoming more dominant now. Argh…. Take a gun and shoot me.

Come on, I need to get focus as I am starting class this Saturday. Has it got to do with those weird dreams I’m having recently which I simply forgotten about it once I wake up. I shall observe it closely first before passing any judgment lol…. i WANT TO GO EXERCISE AGAIN... I need to go call steph up. GYM outing Lol........

2010-11-13T22:10:00.002+08:00

Well ciara got the little puzzle correct again. Haha… Now I am also scare to give u any more puzzles to guess. You might just crack every single one of them again.

I lost my dogtag or Usa military ID tag. Which I was send into a emo state as it was with me for 10 years and the reason why I had it and why I was upset was a simple yet I wont want to let everyone know. So yes I lost something important to me, which it could be easily replace (I second that awhile it took me a LONG time to find today for that particular VENDOR that does this. The One and ONLY stall at THE army market) but like I said the reason of why I had it in the first place has changed.
On Thursday after rushing out to some urgent matter and I found out I lost my thing. I somehow got over it in a way as I went to collect my watch which has been away from me for 2 weeks. Somehow I felt happy when I saw my watch; it looks as it is new again.
I walk out of the shop feeling happy and upset again as I never Lose my stuff, as specially things that mean quite a lot to me. Call me sentimental or whatever, I don’t care as that is how important things are to me. haha.. I cherish everything ppl give me tho.. no matter how cheap or expensive it is.
Today doesn’t seem that of a good day for me, first my Mp3 battery ran out on me. next it was raining when I was heading to beach road to get a replacement for my tag. And the worst part I just wash my flip-flops and now it is all dirty again. ok here comes the horror I had my hopes so high up and after walking 3 rounds of the whole place, everyone keep telling me “no we don’t do that”, “there isn’t any stores here that does that” Which was all a lie and thanks to a nice uncle who fixed my bag , directed me to the correct shop which so happens that they had some affiliation with each other. I was so HAPPY to the core and abit unhappy how those vendors could lie to their customers.

Anyway after getting what I want I when back home, without any music which was a killer to me. but somehow I feel happy because I got a replacement tag. Lol… I even did a set for my brother and my dad.
But the horror started when I came back home. Had a little tiff with my dad, which now I am on a cold war mode with him, I am not going to speak to him.

*ROAR* I am getting so irritated now plus tired.

MD

2010-11-11T00:18:00.001+08:00

Everytime when I heard cheryl cole – parachute I can’t help but want to dance with someone and SING THE lyrics real loud to that Someone lol…

“I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand
I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned
I won't tell anybody
Won't tell anybody
They want to push me down
They want to see you fall (down)

Won't tell anybody how you turn my world around
I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound
Won't tell anybody
Won't tell anybody
They want to see us fall
They want to see us fall (down)

I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you
I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down…”

well enough of singing. Well seems like someone can guess things then try cracking this ;) . I want *****. LOl… this is meant as a joke if u can guess the answer then You really deserve a big present from me.

Anyway the other day something miracle-ly calm thing happen to me. I was so bored that during work halfway I was so bored and I have nothing to do. I took a walk in the farm, I went to the viewing gallery of the breeding pond.

And immediately the song by Jack mannequin- swim started playing and I end up laughing to the lyrics.
I was staring at a Pool filled with crocodile and the lyrics started singing and i sing along “You gotta swim,Swim for your life,Swim for the music,That saves you,When you're not so sure you'll survive,You gotta swim, And swim when it hurts,The whole world is watching,You haven't come this far,To fall off the earth..”

it’s a very old song but I still love this song, it so motivational. And at that time I was feeling very down and this song kind of reminding me to fight thru. I end up smiling and laughing to no one at that viewing gallery like some idiot. And the next song was another good song but I cant remember what it was. I realized that having my MP3 and something to calm my mind down does help sometimes.

it’s late I better go now.

Update more later.

MD

2010-11-07T23:32:00.001+08:00

CONGRATULATION TO CIARA U CRACKED THE CODE!!!!

NOW COME, TELL ME WHAT U WANT lol... (i am impressed even tho i never ask anyone to guess what it was.)

2010-10-29T21:33:00.001+08:00

Thanks to Utba, when he say he was thinking what I was saying or rather my statement. Which after 1hr later after he log off msn. it suddenly hit me, the thought which why didn’t I think of it before. And I guess he was thinking something else too.

What is wisdom?
If wisdom is knowledge,
then what is knowledge then?
There is a common saying when one grows older, they grow wiser.
And if one says that they are wiser, then how it is possible, when knowledge they know were taught by others.
How can they be wise when such knowledge is not theirs to begin with?
So what is knowledge and what is wisdom then?
Or wisdom is a just a term to make knowledge sounds nicer.

Wise men in the past were wise, because they have knowledge which they encounter themselves. Which they started to share with people, which therefore how is it possible for me to be wise when such Knowledge were pass down by these wise man?

Damn the feeling of thinking this way make me happy and calm. Which it just hit me suddenly and I was like a poetic writing this down on a paper. Suddenly, I am thinking like that again makes me happy as I was so calm and relax which made me smile at myself.

Major Duivel.

2010-10-18T21:46:00.001+08:00

I have been living life to the fullest in a way.( doing things here and there Balancing stuff better now.)

I read my A&P book on Saturday , the weather was so warm that I get so distracted from studying. And only got pass like 4 pages for cells lol… (because in between I was summon to help my mom out with certain things)
Tomorrow I should get down to business and carry on with my reading for my own good (^_^).
the whole week of last week was like over with just a wink of an eye. Soon Halloween is coming and Haha I was out with steph today to get stuff for it. Currently , steph and I , is having some kind of common goal together so we are going to work towards it.

Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures
1) Cheese
2) abalone
3) roasted pork
4) pizza
5) pasta
6) Chinese cuisine
7) Japanese Cuisine

MD.

2010-10-11T00:36:00.001+08:00

I delayed my blog challenge lol… I had been trying to delay it on purpose as firstly I have to think through what is my desires and I was busy.

Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires

1) collect a series of fast cars and motorbike(or only 1 good fanciful car is enough lol)
2)branded sunglasses
3)branded watches
4) electronic game console such as PS3
5) Cd’s
6) movies
7) electronic devices

For sure even though some of them are my material desires but I don’t carry out all of them. Lol.. I have a quality of taste to fulfill for what I buy. As I am very careful on how much I spent and what I spent it on hahhaa I have to explained this or it will seem like I am such a splurge.

Ciara.. I am serious HAHAH… maybe I shall write a “love” letter Lol.. and mail it to SD I wonder would that be fun but I need to think of the content. Maybe I should filled it up with Singapore AIR? How about that.. lol.
Hahah awesome, now I am thinking should I or should I not? Let u receive a letter from me lol.. Handwritten in my awful handwriting, let me keep in view about this plan first.

What do you think? Is it a good idea? Btw I will still wait for your emails. (I find it funny how I am leaving comments or notes for you on my blog entry)

MAJor Duivel

2010-10-04T22:50:00.002+08:00

I am so tired, I have been helping out my cousin at the farm. And no I am not a farmer now, but rather he fracture his right hand which he couldn’t do much of his paper work and I was asked to help him out in the way of being his hand to write things. It’s so tiring, seeing so much paper work which doesn’t seems to be stop there. Every time when there is a pile done, anew days later another pile comes in. This is what I call endless pile of work lol… plus it’s a crocodile farm, I am so used hanging out in this farm that it used to be my brother and mine playground for cycling around the premise. (it’s so big that we use to cycle to play around the farm away from the breeding ponds)

No matter how many times I walk up to the viewing gallery to look at this ferocious creatures it just captivate me how calm they are in the water, yet at times they might fight lol.. which doesn’t occur all the time. but it kinds of bring my mind off stuff watching them and i would be like wondering HOW BIG they can go? as it can be quite decieveing as their full body is submerge in the water. And those young crocodiles from 1 year onwards are not as captivative like those full adults.

Ciara, hey gurl what happen to your twitter? Lol.. email me ok as I rarely see you online nowadays because of my Part-time job at the farm lol.

2010-09-28T22:35:00.001+08:00

Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
1) Burn out videos from the video camera out in time.
2) doing things which I think is not important at the moment and procrastinate it till I finish doing what I am doing.
3) I neglected my friends >.<
4) my life
5) taking care of myself
6) my cousins
7) my passion

I seldom neglect to do things but those after my friends are what I can think of.
-----
recently my mood is being Going up and down. It stressing for me too it be like happy and then next not in the mood and then next grumpy. It’s fluctuating like crazy,I wonder is it because I have been stressing myself out. Ok now I am tired I shall go rest as I need to wake up tomorrow to be somebody’s hand again to write lol.

MD

2010-09-23T12:10:00.001+08:00

The third blog challenge, somehow doing this challenge makes me remember to be more like a human and not like a shadow somewhere.

Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.

1)People who made use of me yet thinking I am stupid enough to not know, because I always know when you genuine need my help or just plainly acting stupid to just make use of my help.

2)I get pissed off when I am being all nice to and someone just went all ballistic on me

3)It pisses me off seriously, if you were to shot your mouth on things you aren’t meant to say out to everyone to listen, as in the first place such secrets were told to people who are worthy to keep them and by spilling the beans not only pisses me off seriously but making me lose my trust in you.

4)When people ill-treat animals, I get rather angry even though I might not like that particular animal.

5)When people always think I am what they think I am, such as Rich and etc. But I am not, so if you know me well enough, you will know the truth on your own.

6)Waking up without enough sleep could already make me grouchy and cranky, but if you were to irritate me a little, the monster just takes over from where I left it.

7)Blaming me for things I never say or never do + lying to me

Sigh~~ why must I slowly interrogate myself. These are general things that my friends know which is like the handbook of pris 101. Lol.. But anyway I am a hot headed person so this are what I could think of right now.

Now someone has found the spare key have fun inside the place lol.
knocking down walls with your own sleight hammer very admirable. --> Laugh

2010-09-21T23:46:00.001+08:00

Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet

well this is the second "Confession" I guess this has made it seems that way.

1) I lack of taking pride in what I do, I always feel that it is not good enough.

2) I lack the confident, which I should believe in myself.

3) I want to be more happy and not hate the world for being unfair (sounds like a 5 year old kid)

4) I lack the ability to forgive someone instantly but would rather choose to forget it than to hate them.

5) I want to be more able to control my temper at times it just go off and I will snap at whoever it is.

6) I yearn to be more patient, as sometimes I can get rather impatient on certain matters.

7) I WANT TO BE SUPER SMART!!

Hahaha…….. omg. *look away*
I don’t believe I actually wrote the truth.
Have Fun C. while reading this.

Blog challenge 7 deadly sins

2010-09-20T14:40:00.001+08:00

The seven deadly sins
• Day 1 - Pride. Seven great things about yourself
• Day 2 - Envy. Seven things you lack and covet.
• Day 3 - Wrath. Seven things that piss you off.
• Day 4 - Sloth. Seven things you neglect to do.
• Day 5 - Greed. Seven worldly material desires.
• Day 6 - Gluttony. Seven guilty pleasures.
• Day 7 - Lust. Seven love secrets.

This is the blog challenge I received from ciara. Well I am gladly accepting this challenge. So it would be done, guess this is like a way to knowing more about me.

Day 1 – Pride. Seven great things about yourself

1. When I set my mind on something, I will be determining to see it till the end to achieve what target I have set for myself. Such example is like my driving licence, I made up my mind to attain it on my first try and I did.

2. I uphold my personal principles which were taught by my parents and my own morals I pick up on my own as I go.

3. I am always there for my friends, whenever they need me. Which I won’t mind giving them a listening ear and giving them some advise (if needed or if I could give any)

4. I’m sort of independent which most of the time I do my own stuff without bothering my parents for help.

5. I cherish things that people give me, and I appreciate their thoughts on the gift.

6. I’m not a spend thrift person. I tend to consider carefully before buying something, especially those above 100 dollars.

7. I will always try to understand and not to be bias by judging them, by trying to get to know them more.

2010-09-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

I can’t sleep, I wonder why. I was all sleepy early, but I guess I Should set my mind at ease and not think too much about my studies for now. I would only know how my burning questions would be replied only on Monday.So what I can do now at the moment is to relax myself and not worry too much.
Hm time to sleep and go to dream land I hope something nice turn up in lala land lol. I haven’t been able to recall wat goes on in my dreams nowadays. But only small fragment of what happen which seems to be like nothing at the same time. When I try desperately to remember, it made it worst and more vague

Major duivel te Amo

2010-09-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when I am in my small little world,
I realized that I notice things that people doesn’t or rather I get so wrapped up in myself that I never notice what is happen around me.
When I am in my little world, sometimes I go there to hide but at time I go there to think.

I find it hard to maintain a balance anymore. As there isn’t a clear line to state how long should I stay there and how often should I retreat into my safe zone to hide.

Sometimes it’s like when I keep quiet and kept to myself. I am trying to go tame the little monster in me, I have been controlling myself on going on a full rage and also exploding all those things I am not happy with.
At times I wonder is it a bad thing as I can visualize things and when I project an image in my mind. It’s as if I could feel and listen to everything that goes with my visualization. And that happens when I am ultimately bored.
I am a person who is living life like a paradox. Well actually life is full of paradox and so personality of people is filled with it too. There are many complexities that we have not fully come to understand but I am still trying to figure myself out.

I’m already spurting nonsense so I better stop as I have lost my train of thoughts awhile back.

2010-09-16T23:59:00.004+08:00

I am so tired that I could feel my fucking brain is going to implode.
Pardon my choice of crude word; I just want to make it as a supporting word to emphasize what I am feeling right now.
Woah this week is going to be over soon. I have been quite busy this week, been going out almost every day and I think the only two days which I was at home was Monday and Friday(tomorrow)

Over the weekend last week I was busy, hanging out with my friends from New Zealand. I am starting to miss Kelly now, sigh why does Singapore have to be so far away. It was nice how I receive a call by Stefa on Monday which I was at home because my friend were having a short trip to Malacca and on Tuesday morning they would be flying off to china. So stefa asked me out for a moving,resident evil:afterlife, without thinking I immediately said I would love to go. As I was looking for people to go watch this movie too, and I am too lazy to go organized an outing which I will never get to watch the show. I like how it was that stefa and I went to catch the flick together and it was great hanging out with her as it was the only chance for her to open up herself and share with me everything as a friend. It’s how funny I know steph for quite awhile in our usual outing, plus she was my secondary school senior whom I know her name and stuff but I dun know much about her. And she do know who I am lol.. somehow I am easily to recognized and know since I always hang out with different cliques during school time.

I guess steph was the only one who I told her up in her face about something about myself and she shared with me so much that I really see how strong a friendship is like; that when we come to a point we know more than we usually know when we start to share things. Well I know lenny and the entire gang coming to 9 years, and in this 9 years it was like yesterday when we all first met each other. Well it’s great to have them as friends, they are the first group of friends which I am VERY much myself. We do stupid and crazy things to the max that I will always laugh and smile when I think of it. (Vanessa,mag,li chin.. You guys are also my good friends and buddies, and I am very much myself too when I am with you guys so please don’t mistaken ok. And We do crazy stuff too ;) )

And Wednesday + Thursday was horrible. I felt very drain because on Wednesday I didn’t even sleep a wink as my brain was so active that I didn’t even sleep. Which the source of problem came from the Americano from starbucks, I drank it like in the afternoon 3+ pm which that caffeine level so super powerful by the way I actually did enjoy the black coffee (with only 1 packet of raw sugar which didn’t even make it taste any different). I can’t blame anyone except myself for having that drink. I promised my dad that I would help him out with his client’s house painting work. (Plus the week before I had very little sleep I guess it is all accumulated and crashing my system at a go.)

I did go in the morning with all the caffeine still in my system I was so alert till 8+pm at night which I started to feel tired and I doze off in a funny way. My dad was on the phone with his client and I was already drifting in and out, practically zoning. With my eye lids open and closing like sleeping, awake, sleeping, awake but I was still able to register every single word my dad said.
I know that I only touch my bed less than 10 minutes and I am already off to LALA land. Lol.. now I love to say LaLa land.

This morning I woke up feeling Rather thrashy, very grumpy person and not talking much. After breakfast my dad kept on talking to me and I was like a person who could only say 1-3 words. And he immediately said “you are rather grumpy today” and I replied “I am still sleepy and stoning” and I took my own sweet time to boot my system up. He said that to be at 8am and only 9.30am then I was like all chirpy and smiling. Before that I had no facial expression but rather stoning, I told my dad happily “OK I AM FINALLY Up and running” with a big smile on my face.
I love painting work but I hate how I get so absorb into the work that I forget about my injuries and now it is hurting all over.

On Wednesday I think, I might have sprain/overstrained my right shoulder again, it’s hurting so badly today. Thank goodness I am not dealing with the ceiling. As firstly, I can’t raise my right arm up pass my shoulder height without feeling a strain. I even found it hard to lift it up a little to get something from my back pocket and I felt a pain on my shoulder joint and my shoulder muscle seems to be pulling too.

Then today, my right knee now is like buckling as I didn’t even sit down and it is in pain now. My right hand seems to be stiff after staying in one position for the whole day. Plus my back >.<
My system is crashing… I am going off now.

Major Duivel is signing off now to try inflicting more pain lol… what a sadist lol.

2010-09-15T02:12:00.005+08:00

I couldn’t explain why I love this song immediately after I heard it from lala Hsu aka xu jia ying. Most people know that I seldom or rarely listen to mandarin songs or even get obsessed by one. Yup.. it’s a fact I like xu jia ying, Lala(her name) is a amazing singer and writer, she can really compose songs that drives me thinking. I usually get send into deep thoughts on certain particular song because I was trying to understand what it meant and the actually feeling of it. It’s like I could see a entire movie infront of my eyes, but her second album limit was written after feeling heartbroken by her boyfriend. It contained so much emotion that was bursting practically out of every single words being sang.

My mandarin isn’t really that good thus I would spend more time understanding what she is singing and this *dryly laugh* slowly made me understand why I like it. The first time I heard it, it’s not I didn’t understand fully. But it’s the lyrics that caught my attention, the first song I immediately like was ‘my home’. This song practically is like a friend who is heartbroken after a sour relationship, who was very upset that she cried and turned to her friend for comfort. How do I say, I think Lala during the period of time she was enduring her breakup with her boyfriend, She had friends supporting her emotionally by encouraging her and be with her. Even though they can’t give her the answer she needed, they still tried her best to cheer her up.

My whole breakdown of the song, pardon me for those who read this and listen to the song. Will say this is completely different from what she sang. But this is what I understand and felt from the song.
The whole song the first part is about how that particular friend felt after the breakup and those mistakes she had done like how she was always giving in to the relationship and actually lost herself in the midst of relationship by not following her heart.
the second part of song is like this friend wants to give up on everything in life and couldn’t move on. More of like wanting to run away from the problem and this even made her forget about her dreams by giving up, and by giving up she can’t face herself.
the third part of the song, it’s when this person(friend) saw a flower (I seriously dun know what type of flower it is) but the flower was beautiful and laughing at how stupid the person was to give up on her own future. (Sorry I can’t explain the rest for this verse. Lol I can’t explain fully how I felt)
The fouth part, it’s like as a friend you can go accompany her on a holiday but you cant give her any form of release from her pain as there is a lot of complexity in life that she has to face and fight on her own.
The last part, is like you manage to get this friend laughing, you hope that the wind would quickly dried up the tears on her face. And you will carry on encourage her by singing for your friend.(more like a act of being supportive)
The whole song, I like it a lot how she describe it as a 3rd person view. And I think this is what friends usually do when another friend go through some kind of hardship.

Sigh~ I should stop listening to her song for now… it can get me into the mood, it was when she written it.
I am SO going to buy both of her albums, I Am officially supporting her. (i just keep going into a blank mode and the whole picture started forming inside my own head. like the story is playing in my head. Guess that is what happen u have someone who could visualised things very well)

2010-09-11T03:32:00.000+08:00

I guess I should find blogging without a clear mind it fun.That is kind of true; it will be fun since my brain is not functioning 100% as it should be.
I am very happy that my friend, Kelly, is in Singapore right now. We hang out tonight had a couple of drinks and well I had seasha with her,jess(Kelly’s friend) and my brother. It was 3 years since I last touch this forbidden thing. And I AM SOOOOO relax and happy now. Thanks to it. The next try will be 3 years later lol.. I don’t do such shit that often as I am a good girl.
Now I still smell like apple. Gosh… can the smell just Go away now, I am starting to feel bad as I did this on an “don’t tell Daddy” policy lol.. This is such an inside joke with my friend.

Yawn.. I should go soon. Have to wake up later to go out with Kelly later.

2010-09-05T23:59:00.002+08:00

The passing of clouds in the skies are just like what we all are. Being said that I meant that we humans are like the clouds in the skies as a small portion of a cloud would join another cloud forming into a bigger one and as it get bigger and bigger, it will break away and reform this cycle all over again. By relating this back to my metaphor, humans are like that too sometimes after drifting away from our friends it’s time to reconnect back with them, by going out with them and during this time we enjoy ourselves and go crazy together just like what the nature is doing. When more and more clouds forms together their energy levels increases thus having more charge particles in the sky. This is like going out with more friends and in a bigger the group the crazier the entire outing becomes, I know using nature as a metaphor is weird but seriously I find it weird how this world is created in the way how life is like. After having fun with your friends, we all will part our ways and carry on with our daily life and come back for another gathering on another day, Isn’t this just like how rain is like?

Clouds forms another clouds then breakdown into smaller drops and discharging of negative charges and the whole cycle repeat itself.

I suddenly realized that the negative charges in our live are which we share with our friends such as the problems we faced and how everyone motivates and encourage the other by giving their advice and opinion.
When the rain stop, that is when the gathering had come to an end and everyone walk back home feeling happy , looking forward for the next gathering. Isn’t this how the whole vicious cycle of nature is, which was done over and over again like forming into bigger clouds, discharging of negative charges, breaking down into water and it starts all over again. So has anyone look at how beautiful and wonderful nature is that it can be related to us in one way or another.

I know this is nonsensical but it just pop into my mind and I decided to write it as my blog for reflection for today.

For those who read this, you might wonder why I came up with this.
I went out with Daphne and mark today after having brunch with my folks in toa payoh. We were suppose to go out last week but it was a very last minute thing that most of us were not able to come out, but I was okay for it since I was free and I was very bored. But it got scrap and postpone till this Sunday. Daphne had officially let me turn her into a L4D2 Lover; after introducing her this game a few weeks ago while waiting for our movie time slot for step up 3. She was the first to text me on Sunday asking if I am free and do I want to go Play L4D2. And my replied to her was ‘today?’ *laugh* it’s quite funny as usually I won’t accept last minutes request like that but I agreed.

Since it was postpone till today, I am glad we went to play together. Mark is not a L4D player and never played it before so we are all quite Noobish after being seated infront of the computer and I had to do a run through of the key buttons again as it had been quite long ago since I last played. Lol.. even daphne had a problem remembering the keys. So we were teaching mark the keys we know and we started playing a few rounds and he got the hang of it. We met at 2pm but officially started playing like at 3pm and we played All the way till 8pm, yeah 5 hours of solidly gaming. We did pick up some necessity before going to the LAN shop such as sweets, water and food.

When it was around 6pm, daph said ‘it’s already 6pm, can we stop playing at 8pm for dinner?’ And mark went ‘this game is seriously addictive hehe but okay I am hungry too let’s stop at 8pm’ and I just nod my head too agreeing about stopping at 8pm when I was dead and the game was still on I turn to ask mark on what should we have for dinner since he was dead too. (LOL) anyway we always have a problem with deciding on what to eat as everyone is so willing to give way and follow suit with the other (this is why I love this group of friend a lot, that sometimes it irritate me that No decision can be made beforehand but it will work out once we all meet up and decide as a group)

The funny part during L4D2 was Seeing Mark getting flung out of the bridge with a Charger, charging at him at full force and everyone saw the charger coming in that direction for a very far distance. Yet, Mark just stood his character there and started firing at it and I was quick far squatting behind mark and shooting the charge with what visible vision I had and the next I know I saw Mark FLY out of the bridge and die instantly And it was one of those moment that Daphne, me and mark’s friend Burst out laughing crazily. Daphne was still quite giggly about it that we couldn’t contain ourselves and started laughing again and mark was like “wah… How can I fly out of the bridge like that and die”. “I did a quick turn of my head to my right and saw his expression in disbelieve and I started laughing again. And told daphne “Charger and there goes Mark” and we started laughing again.

I can’t forget the feeling of being so happy and glad to be playing with my friends without having a Big stone on my heart or worries to think about at the moment. The things we do are funny and stupid that 10 years down the road it will still be fresh in our minds. On top of the flying off the bridge, it seems mark has taken over one of our fellow friends spot to have his moments.

He came out with the best Joke of the day which daphne and I was laughing so hard outside of aston@ the cathay that people behind of us who overheard it were like staring at us. I would understand that this poor boy is hungry but he shouldn’t change topic so quickly that made me look at him saying “*laugh* Mark that sounds very wrong, *and I repeated his question for him to hear again*” and daphne went “Wait I check for you” and she did all the action that I couldn’t contain myself and started laughing like crazy (I can’t believe I am laughing while thinking of the question he asked lol Due to the question was very wrong if you want to know just ask me personally and I will explain fully what happen, I just gave a vague explanation )

i had successfully converter two more person to LOVE L4D2 LOl... who say it is difficult to get non- first person shooter gamer to start playing l4d lol... It way better and easier than asking them to play counterstrike. (too late now i cant do proofreading now pardon for errors)

Ok it’s late now I better go sleep.

Goodnight my wonderful slayer,
Major duivel

2010-09-02T18:03:00.001+08:00

Another day had pass, and my mind is still not satisfied as I have not done anything of use today.
When I try to rack my brain to think of something to do, I couldn’t which what bounce back was emptiness. This was how I was feeling for the past few days, if I am not doing something, I always felt like I am useless.

Today even though I did went out to visit temples and pray. My day soon flew pass me as I didn’t nothing except do some paper work for my dad and game on facebook. Same old vicious cycle, come someone come and break this chain. (LOL… I have a person in mind that can break this chain but anyway shh... shall leave it hanging for now.)

Recently, it seems at times I might get insomnia and at time when I am asleep I would be dreaming and how weird. What happen in my dreams are all fragments which I could only remember when I wake up like very vaguely, you will remember what it is about. I remember having one particular dream, I dream that I was sleeping and I took my cell phone and called a friend up. Upon hearing the phone was being answered I immediately hang up the phone and resume back to sleep while in my dream. Which I woke up after that and check if I had my cell phone with me; usually I have it at the side of my bed as the dream seem so real, I was Just making sure it was a dream. And I’m not doing such a weird phone call to my friend. Thank goodness it was just a dream.

The rest of my fragmental dreams I can’t remember except waking up the next day feeling so drained and tired. That is one reason why I hate to have dreams or nightmare, I will be so tired the next morning as if I didn’t sleep at all. Scientifically said our brains are still working, and even though my body is resting but my brain is still working it’s ass off. Somehow I wish to find the button to switch it off so my mind and soul + body can rest together.

MD

2010-09-01T17:34:00.000+08:00

On teachers day it was on 31st August and I woke up feeling rather dreadful as I didn’t want to drag myself out of my cosy, comfortable bed and the weather was quite cooling in the morning. As my alarm went off and I reach to get my cell phone to shut it before it kept buzzing its head off. With that my ‘opportunist’ Dog came up to my bed to further nudge me out of my sleep mode. He is an opportunist, which he will seize every chance he had to get me to wake up to bring him down for his walk. He has lots of method to wake me up and trust me; you won’t want me to explain to you what he did.

When I was done with all my duties for the morning, I got out of my house and headed to my Secondary school, I couldn’t help but feel neutral and rather not excited about visiting the place where I once called my school. And after this visit, it did solidify why I didn’t like going back. It was not because of anything else except that the feeling of being overlooked by the teachers. you will have a feeling that being back to your previous school is like revisiting the memories, you had in that school you have with your mates and it was rather nostalgic on how young and stupid we were. I couldn’t stop smiling as those sweet memories came running back to me in full force, but my smile was wiped away when I realized that the teachers didn’t had much time for the seniors who graduated 4-5 years ago. As every year they have students graduating, it seems they were more concern about them as they are still young and needed guidance and advises. Unlike me, I am already an adult and there is a weird distance between students and teacher where it become quite awkward, I realized how the teachers can’t give us advise anymore as they have lot of other students to look out for.

I am grateful how this first and the last teacher’s day visit solidifies my stand on never going back to my secondary school again, and obviously I didn’t feel affiliated to my school anymore. it’s just like a place to take my education and move on, no matter how much effort I contributed to the school I still don’t feel a sense of pride and belonging in it as my friends are not there anymore. All it is to me is that it’s just a school with new faces of students and teachers but the building still looks the same.

When I got out school, I was starving like crazy. I woke up and left without eating anything and It was already 12pm so I ask jenny where would she prefer to have her meal, whether would it be at the coffee-shop nearby the school or at the shopping mall. After a few minutes, it was decided that we shall have our meal at the coffee-shop one thing I always hated eating there in the afternoon. It was the blaring heat you have to endure while eating your meal which makes it very hard to bear.

I had a very filling brunch which I was very contented, thereafter we went to the cinema and caught a film, there wasn’t much to choose from as most of them I have them back home. Thus it was decided to watch this Chinese flick called ‘the stood pigeons’ more like the informants for police. It was not bad, the action and the sound effect was awesome.

That’s all it was for that day.

goodbye,
MD

2010-08-31T00:37:00.001+08:00

It’s been a while since I blog. Today seems like a good day.

Firstly I was being entertained by Ciara in the afternoon. She can really come up with some good and funny idea which would make me smile the whole day when I start recalling what lead her to say that idea or statement. Babe if you are reading this, I seriously think that is not a bad plan about the cars and house and I won’t mind about it, it’s worth trying haha..
Let’s see how it goes later on then we can solidify the idea *snicker*

Secondly, I met Jessie unexpectedly in the bus while going to the train station. (I notice her and walk up to her actually) And to Jessie “HIHI, it was great to see you again : ) ” ( I was wondering should we Have a gathering just like the one we had with ez what do u think?)

Thirdly I went for the PAYM National day rally discussion group and I met some nice people. SO yeah.. I would be considering joining their YEC lol…. Time to move on from where I was volunteering, I need a bigger ocean for me to steer my boat.

Lastly, It was weird how I email my admission officer in PSB academy about when will I get my admission package at 12 noon and she replied me not soon after that which I didn’t notice earlier only now. She told me that my offer package is ready and she is sending it out today which I would receive it in two to three working days. I am so excited On top of that I have two unit exempted and I would only need to do 2 units for my first half a year. Well I am trying to clear my doubts with her on the exemption units for future units which need them as prerequisite in order to advance.
*HAPPY* SO NOW I better go sleep so tomorrow I can go to my secondary school and visit my lovely teachers whom I never visited them in the past 3 - 4 years.

M.D

2010-08-22T01:50:00.001+08:00

When I open my eyes I don’t see anything else except the same old, same old.
When I close my eyes, how I hope that I won’t never open it again.
As every time when it reopens, I am always faced with the same old mellow drama.
When I turn around to look for someone to talk to, I couldn’t find anyone and the only one I could turn to is my dog, who was always my best best friend in the world. Always there supporting me in his own way and listening to me talk, I find it easier to talk to animals as they make me calm in a weird way. As every time when I stroke them and watch them it made me forget all my problems and anger. And they would be around me 24hrs every day, I do want to bother my friends until I find that the bottle in me is too full and it’s time to pour the water out a little to keep my sanity intact for awhile.
Even though I always said I am filled with lots of drama in life and I won’t want to entertain external drama. But somehow I feel that if I have a new episode of drama in my life, it might break the chain of pattern in the same old flick into something new yet nostalgic. (Gosh what am I saying?)
I guess I am keeping too much things in that slowly I am breaking from the inside.

I better go sleep now.

MD

2010-08-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

*wave hand*
Dobraye ootra (good morning in Russian)
So much happen this week.

Firstly, I was asked to join a friend of mine for the preview for Youth Olympic Games Singapore. She gave me a call on Tuesday asking me very last minute if I’m free to join her, which I gave a long pause to think about it, because usually I won’t entertain last minute appointment. I gave a quick thought about it and since I was free and I am bored of getting stuck in the house I agree to join her. After the phone call I couldn’t help feel that she might have gotten the date wrongly, and true enough 1hr later she gave me a call informing that it is actually on Wednesday.

So on Wednesday I have a packed schedule.
I woke up did what I needed like have breakfast and did some errand as usual. When I got back home I chill out a little in front of the computer before giving my precious Doggy a bathe. It was getting on my nerves with those irritating pest called ticks and seriously it can TICK U off. (LOL… it rhymes). The schedule was so packed like back to back to each other, after bathing my dog and did some spot checking on his body I got myself ready and went for my dentist appointment. And true enough I arrived there 3 minutes late due to the rain. Well the dentist I was praying and hoping it was not the same dentist I had previous who was pretty scary.(When I said pretty I didn’t mean she was pretty but as in PRETTY SCARY, ROFL) But he was cool, haha and gentle, the other one made me scared as she was rather rough and it hurts even by thinking about it. *smile* I know which dentist to ask for when I make my next appointment in February.

When I was done with my teeth I went back home feeling happier, cleaner teeth and not hurting that much does make my day. When I got back home I only had 15 minutes to relax myself with some music and get myself ready to meet up with Miss J near my house.

The entire YOG opening ceremony is grand and awesome. Something I would much expect comparing to our own national day which is 5 days before the official YOG opening ceremony.
After getting back home pretty late,as I went to have supper with Miss J somewhere near our area, even though we took a cab back, I was so tired and zonk out that I still went online to update a friend on the fireworks.

On Thursday morning I am shocked by a status update on FB, Ciara was in an accident. Thank goodness she is alright now. Yup ciara if you read this I was rather concern too lol... It was nice of you to drop me a sweet message on my face book wall. (After your incident I went to told my best friend, YOU BETTER NOT GET INTO ANY accident or incident, don’t make me worried about you guys lol)
Well, it’s late now I have some more duties to do tomorrow.

Blazing the skies with darkness,
Major Duivel

2010-08-06T16:13:00.001+08:00

I was so beat to the core, seeing my younger cousin getting married was a very taxing matter, but I am happy for her.

Today I was so beat tired, that I didn’t have much problem falling asleep last night even though I had an hour of nap before my dad came to wake me up to check what I wanted for dinner.

Somehow I can’t help but re-run everything that happen in the morning. The feeling of explaining to some of my aunties what I am doing and what are my plans.

Just now I was playing a game on face book, even though I was playing at the back of mind it was thinking about something. I was wondering if I should open up myself more to people. There are too many things I kept inside, so much that I feel engulfed by it and I forget who I am. Somehow after seeing my little sister get married I think it open up my mind. That some things in the past shouldn’t be harbored on and whatever bad things should be buried somewhere and never be brought up again. I think I have grown up again; I am starting to move on and understand what I couldn’t comprehend in the past. I have a goal now, and I am going to work towards it.

No matter how pragmatic I may be, I could still be waiver by temptation and other distraction.

I feel like going against a quiz answer and I shouldn’t be pragmatic about one thing it said. I am going to be all opposite for what it said. Lol… if that happens I will lose my bet to suki instantly LOl… anyway I can’t be bothered if I lose or she lose, it was just a fun little bet.

Major Duivel

2010-08-04T22:52:00.002+08:00

Whee.. i got everything settle.
now i just sit back relax myself first before i recieved my admission package.

tomorrow i got to wake up at 4am to go my cousin house.

somehow on the back of my mind i am worried. (as usual)
Gosh.. i so need someone to tell me PriS it will all work out, you know u will do it.
But even though i know i will be focus enough to study, but i cant help not to shake off the unease.

today, i finally gotten over the whole I WAnt to play mood againn.
when i came online today, i was grouchy.
i look around trying to find something to do online.
BUt what bounces back at me was boredom.
i went facebook, msn and surf the internet but i cant help Feel bored to the core.
Even now, when i sit infront of my computer i cant sit for long as i have that suddenl urge to go to my room to read my novels, or do something else without the internet and computer.

I guess the time have come again for me to stay away from computer for awhile again.
i really want to go out to have fun with my friends. I realised i been coop up at home for too long
i am starting to feel the effect of technology. here is teh irony thing, when i was studying for my english test, for the writing. i came across lots of ideas of how computer and internet and tv has destory us. But knowing all these doesnt stop us at all, look at us we are all addicted to computer by one way or another.

i wonder is there anyone like me who have such redrawer syndrome lol... Mine is a temporary thing because i am so BOred out of my wits after studying so hard for 2 weeks+ and when i got to wait for 2 weeks for my results things starts to shift alittle as i realised that how i miss MUGGINg.. Haha... my brain suddenly have a craving for knowledge.

guess i better go now, as i had already look like shit already with insomnia for these past few days. i dun wan to look back tomorrow and i have a dinner the next day for this Joyous moment. lol..

I WANT TO GET OUT of my house but not spent alot of money. (ppl who know me well, knows i am rather thrifty)

MAJOR DUIVEL

2010-08-02T15:04:00.002+08:00

Ladies and gentleman, Presenting the happy ~~little girl~~ person.

I got the results I wanted for my IELTS test. It was a pain in the neck I took 2 weeks 2+days to prepare for this test and seriously I think good practice paid off.
Now I can go apply for my course : ) Biomedical science under UWA(university of western Australia)
before my results came out I was in a mess, I kept thinking what would happen if my results doesn’t meet the entry requirement and I wont want to go retake the test again as it cost quite a lot for just a English test. So I had a backup plan in place in less than 2 days, which after I got my results I was in the lost again as I finally got the results I wanted and had to choose to do business or science. [problem for ppl like me who do things practically and logically will always consider all the factors first before making a choice]
I was shocked when I saw my results as in shocked and when it sink In I physically bang my head on my table top and my dad was staring at me. With me mumbling “WHAT SHOULD I DO?”, “what course should I take?”, “I took the test because of science and it is not cheap, WHAT should I do?”
In the end I did the easiest way out by seeking enlightenment and advice in a Holy way.
So Friday was a great day, followed by sat which I meet up with my godmother and family to have a gathering with my family for a meal. It was awesome but one thing I will forever remember, I MUST always follow my principles of drinking. If I don’t follow my rules and regulation for myself, I will suffer again and that is one thing I won’t Want to go through again. (i always obeyed my rule but that night i sort of heck care it)

On Sunday morning I was not drunk, my mom and dad saw me walking normally and all sober but my body had to reject the booze and I realized it was my mistake because my food was not even digested and I had actually rejected what I ate. When I woke up 3 hours later and to my horror it was all like purging with an empty stomach and it was horrible.
Which I received a VIP care from my mom as if I was a very sick child; I was really sober not drunk or anything just feeling very uncomfortable with the rejection of acid.

Up till now my stomach muscles are aching like crazy due to the activity I encounter.

This is a busy week, Application for studies, auspicious celebration on Thursday and Friday for my cousin.

Suddenly, after my clouds were cleared my eyes could see clearly now.
I realized that I am no longer at the cross road anymore and I am walking on without regrets.

It’s a new chapter in life for me and I will embrace it to the fullest.

Major Duivel is back

2010-07-26T21:19:00.000+08:00

Greeting my fellow citizen *point and laugh at self* (suddenly I am speaking like a senator) this is a wonderful season with the grace of mars that lead us to have such a marvelous match.

*slap self* sorry people too much of Spartacus blood and sand is filling up my mind. It seems this show grow on you and the graphic content is beautiful for the eyes and the humor is pretty dark. Therefore for those who like dark humor + Gore + nudity+ HOT bods u should watch this. I never expect to enjoy myself in a show set in the Romans period.

I had a disastrous weekend in a way; my dog was itching to death by ticks. And I had to remove them for him on Saturday before I headed for a birthday party. I was so tired when I was at billy’s birthday, when I saw xin he was pretty much half dead too. It was enjoyable catching up with an old friend, but the funny part was billy whom said this to me when he greeted me at the door and shake my hands. “I am sorry pris, I can’t hug you because I see you as a bro” I burst out laughing and say “it’s cool. You are my bro” it was funny because I indeed see him as a bro too, like he and xin, haha… seriously it was funny that I burst out laughing.
Anyway when the party was over, I guess we all had a brotherly kind of hug, the type where u shake hand and have a hug suddenly. Lol…

Back to the horrid part, I was so paranoid with my dog’s ticks that I Don’t want him to suffer so I keep helping him kill those vermin’s. it pains me to see him suffer, but at the same time I cant stop feeling annoyed that those vermin’s will be crawling on my bed. LOl…. That I had a hard time sleeping, the twisted thing abt it was when I help him remove those pest it was not disturbing to me. but when I am done with it and think of what I have done it makes me have Goosebumps.

Don’t worry, I just put medication on him and within 24 it will be spread throughout his skin and those bastard pest will die. *evil laughter* in 48 hrs

Soon my IELTS results would be out soon. Wish me luck.

2010-07-16T12:10:00.003+08:00

The cool wind blew, giving me a nostalgic feeling.
As I felt the old memories, I never expect to recall, filled my heart with a gentle warmness.
Alas i had hope that this last slightly longer.

2010-07-01T23:31:00.003+08:00

Life is a long journey, at times we get stuck at certain checkpoints in life. It like standing there feeling all lost and hopeless not knowing what to do, till someone comes along and give you some guidance. The road is still bumpy and it is still long, remember always look up and look out as there is always people around you who will help you, remember friends are always there and will always be, it’s whether do you want to reach out to them or are you going to suffer all alone. Sometimes it good to turn to friends as even though they can’t solve your problems, but there will try to help you out, give you support and encouragement that you need.To my friends, I thank you all for being there and with many Thanks for helping me, you all contributed in one way or another.

2010-05-08T13:13:00.000+08:00

Friends are like a handful of sand. When your first took a handful of sand from the ground, it will slip out of your hands and only a handful amount of sand will remain. When you open up to check the remainder sand, you will lose some of them as the wind carry them away. And what remains would truly be there, unless you Blow them away or discard them.

Sometimes when you have a lot of friends around, you won’t notice or even want to pay attention to know them well. And those who stood by you are like sand, they will fly away as easy as the wind could blow them away. So what would you do? Bottle your sand up and make sure you cherish them or would you just break the glass and let the sand fly away. It’s your call…
I see ugly side of friends. And I really think that is why some people including myself won’t want to let people understand them too well as nowadays we don’t need to. It’s because people would merely pass judgment on you even before they befriend you. So what’s the point in letting them understand you, this is how ugly humans can be. I have never judge my friends even though I may remind my friend on certain things like ethics and stuff but I will only say it once and if they won’t change, I won’t do anything to change it as they are who they are, I respect that and acknowledge that.
Befriending someone is not to just hang out with them, know something’s about them and you can truthfully say I know that person well enough. Compromised is always need in a friendship, but not all friendship consist compromise thus friendship is merely a name to a beautiful picture.
Irony irony… alas .

MD ..

2010-04-30T19:11:00.001+08:00

I have been awfully quiet haven’t I?
I guess that is normal because I was so calm and serene that it bothers me.
My mind has been so blank, as blank as a piece of paper. My thoughts were all running in a straight line everything is so in order that I find it boring. Bored of my own thoughts and mind, that I find it ridicules as how can I be bored of myself ?
So to fill the gap I had, I played the sim 3 constantly for a few days then eventually I got bored of it. As the new game has so much different thing compared to Sim 2 that I had to play around with it to actually learn it. So that is one part of it.

Another thing is I think I am socially deprived. As in seriously deprived, I have never been out of my house for more than 5KM. so that means I’m always either running mini errands nearby or have my breakfast and then back home.
So I am always at home, it’s not like I am complaining but I have never say more than 10 words in verbal to any of my friends from I don’t know when.
The last person I talked to or rather he called me up to ask me it lasted like 1-2 mins only.
I wonder am I leaving my friends out, if I were to call them up, what am I going to talk to them about. Even on msn I find it hard to hold a solid conversation. I don’t know how many people read this but if you do, please don’t purposely call me up and chit chat with me. It will make me feel bad, as I was seriously highlighting “A NEGLECTED friend is here” and suddenly I feel I have totally forgotten how to socialized with ppl anymore. So let’s just leave it as it is, haha the only friend I have always been talking to is mikey I guess; only thing is it’s a one way conversation.

After playing with sim 3 for a long period of time I suddenly feel I became a sim itself. A robot sitting in front of a computer doing what I was program to do and I am doing it every day, with a same programmed running in me

ARGH…………………I hate it when my thoughts are not bouncing about.

M.Duivel

2010-04-12T21:37:00.010+08:00

The jump

Sometimes when u are standing on the cliff ready to leap,
you take a look down, you frost in motion,
wondering is this the right choice?
When you realized that there isn’t any choice,

you embrace yourself, took a deep breath,
tell yourself, ‘you would be fine!’ ,
as your heart races against your chest .
when you jump off that cliff,
Thoughts started flooding your mind
as you were decending into a free fall,
all the good and bad things in your life started to flash in-front of you, doing a mini slideshow of your life.

When you hit the water and
awoke you from your daze,
you laughed and said, ‘Hey It was not so bad’,
and started thinking, taking the leap off isn’t a bad choice.
You never regret doing the plunge.

And started swimming,
you try to get to shore,
you struggle to get onto land.
But no matter how hard you struggle, and swim,
your body tells you that you weary,
but you cant give up,
all hopes is lost as you just can’t get to your goal .

So sometimes it’s not how hard it is to make the decision or to take the plunge or survive the fall but rather the hardest part is sustaining your life as to get to the goal and say ‘hey, I made it’

Major duivel

2010-04-07T23:59:00.004+08:00

I went to a clinic and had my music plug into my ears and I was enjoying whatever tunes are playing on my mp3. And I started looking around the clinic as sometimes music has to go well with a visual. As usual I was sitting there looking around; only thing is there were eye candies walking around. While listening to my music a thought struck my mind, just like how I always did suddenly when my brain is calm. It was ‘have you ever wonder what songs people were playing on their mp3?’ I know this is weird but also ‘if you could listen in to their music would you?, doesn’t it seems interesting to find out what they are listening to which make them all bobbing their heads and lip singing to the songs’. I think this idea struck my mind because I was listening to an explicit song which makes me all Smileys and laughing at the lyrics. At that point if u were to come up to me and say what song are you listening to I would of course lie about it, depending on how close you are to me.

Sometimes when I have nice music playing , it block out all the other noises around me I always feel I’m in my own world. And it like I’m filming my own version of MTV with my own eyes, Sometimes I would be laughing at myself because of what I am thinking for scenes to fit the songs.sometimes it was influences by friends messages for example; you were chatting with me online and it was funny and somewhere, somehow that particular song got link to that conversation only that small portion and I would end up smiling like crazy. If i didnt remember wrongly that song was “GRIND WITH ME”
(hahahaha... I won’t say who it was that got me smiling) but the song after grind with me just make me smile even worst hahaaha.. But that explicit song stops me from smiling but rather I was trying to stop myself from grinning. And it is hard because I have to stop grinning and stop thinking about the images haha...
I shall stop talking abt this like right now hahaa..(And HELL NO I won’t tell anyone what song I was listening to)

I found it weird as recently my dreams seem to be reality and my reality seems to be the dream. I can’t separate them anymore, the only difference between dream and reality that i can pin-point is that, I clearly could remember what I did in reality and not in my dreams only vaguely on certain things/matters.

Looney Tuned
Major duivel

2010-04-07T16:00:00.005+08:00

GIVEN UP...

I have gave up on testing and to my experimental test. ahhaha i am gonna put back my cute Ipod nano. the touch is officially cranky. sometimes it plays sometimes it doesnt. SO yucky.. i dun want to use the youtube videos as Songs anymore

the weather recently have been awfully off. its either TOO HOT or TOO WET(raining nonstop). Gosh how i wish i stayed in a big Auto-thermostat room which could just balance the temperature just nice so it is not too hot or too cold. hahaha ... I can just DREAM on it.

nothing much for me to say here except GOODbye hahaha

2010-04-06T13:44:00.002+08:00

i am doing an experiment hahaa... I remove my self created playlist (which i uploaded the mp3 myself) and restore the old Itouch music player with songs from youtube. And i guess i know why it was cranky recently mixpod was changing some things on their website i guess :) so yup now music and video back again :)

2010-04-03T16:02:00.002+08:00

yes and i did change my player.
now the songs are all uploaded by MOI.
So i dun need to be bothered by the ISP having problem with whatever hahaha.. i get my music anyway and everywhere

ps: i hope u guys will like the songs ahahhaa... I love these songs ;)

MD

2010-04-02T15:54:00.000+08:00

Omg… I freaking hate my music player. Anyway realized it doesn’t auto play anymore. (For me it doesn’t, so I always press the play on the video and the songs after the first one will just auto play, and at times it doesn’t even play At all.) Next second, thing on the list that is irritating me’ NTU up till now Still dun need my documents, I find it awfully weird. I did call them up in March and the person told me, currently we dun need your documents yet, if there is any need to we will contact you. As now we will base on what u have Submitted as the most accurate information. Now … Doesn’t sound weird, so are they going all high tech by Asking for our records from our poly and MOE directly?
now it is April 2nd and if I am not wrong In another 2 more week they should/ would be giving me a reply if I got accepted or not.
Somehow I felt liberated and emancipated in a way.
I been practicing my chords for guitar and somehow it’s better but not very good.
I somehow think the musical side of me is coming out again. Hahaha..
Thanks for those who wish me good luck in my application for university.

Major duivel

2010-03-30T14:35:00.002+08:00

Dig this, if we were to put everything in our life in a box. I guess we can break every little pieces up and place it in the box and never want to fix it back. If every piece is equally important as what makes you, you, then I guess it doesn’t mean anything anymore. Parts and pieces don’t mean anything when you have forsaken them as they become mere pieces of rubbish to someone else and to the world. And on the label of this box it would be a big, "unclaimed rubbish" written on it.
What has happen to me, why am I becoming more and more skeptical to things and to everything around me, I think this is what happens when you grow up and tend to broaden your mind to everything.

After watching agora, I have a sudden urge to be a philosopher looking at it as an interest. Not something I can stand listening to all the contradiction lay out by the great thinkers. Somehow after watching the movie ‘agora’ I felt sad.(A great sadness which I can’t figure out why up till now and it send me thinking greatly.)
And I agree that somehow science and religion doesn’t go hand in hand together. If there is such a religion called Philosophy I guess I would be on that list now. Rofl... Just a joke.

I still like my religion and I somehow work out an equation for myself.
Faith + hope= religion, but religion ≠answers + self.
Self= morals + ethics.
Ethics= social norms + self
answers= science + philosophy - faith-hope
therefore religion ≠ answers but generate faith and hope.

HAHAH I am messing with you if anyone work that out as math’s it won’t work hahah as that is not a logical equation. That has nothing to do about what I am going to say below. And if you would really think I could come out an equation for myself then you have look highly on me.

But during my poly days and I attend reasoning thru the ages, I had some kind of regret taking up that module at the same time I feel grateful as I pick up a few learning point. In that module I learn that due to our vast interest in getting answers a lot of us would be asking fundamental questions, and while searching for these answers there are many various organization or should I say blocks which will try to create a answer or reject a answer to create a new one or work on the existing answer and modified it. Now, do you always look at your answers and not doubt that, ‘Is this true?’ ‘Is this correct?’ ‘What if it is wrong, should I still follow it as it had been accepted by the vast majority?’
And every time when we don’t have an answer we will always and had always turn to something which no one can proved it’s the absolute truth. (I bet I sound like a realist now a 150% realist) now I think I might go research on philosophy theories soon hahaha..
(I HAVE TO DECLARE FIRST WHAT I SAID WAS NOT DIRECTED At any direction it’s a very neutral point of view where I have to proclaim again the equation is not true as it was a messing around thing as I was playing a word link game. Thus I have rejected my thesis which I work out an equation for myself. Somehow I got that Idea from AGORA.)

MD

2010-03-25T20:13:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when some things are in front of you, we tend to pretend we never see it so as to see how long this Charade is going to last. And when it was so obviously seen that everyone is just a pawn for someone else game of survival that sometimes pawn would have its limit on where they stand.

People do you hear the call and cries of others deep inside them that they never voice out, Not everyone will Share what is going on in their life to everyone and not everything you assume is true. There is always another side of the story which was not seen by others.

2010-03-23T14:15:00.000+08:00

Good day everyone,

I have been busy, and recently I notice it takes me two weeks to change my sleeping pattern and by the time the clock hand strike 10pm I would be sleepy and would be looking forward to go sleep. But it only takes 2 days to make me break that cycle. *chuckled* how impossible it is to carry on that turning in early cycle.
these few days it was quite eventful though. My brother came back from Taiwan bringing back lots of stuff and I especially love the 太阳饼 (Sun biscuits) it is so milky and nice, I don’t take sweet stuff though but this got me loving it. And with the tidbits he did bring back funny stories to tell. And I was flabbergasted that my brother even bought something for mikey. He got him a ADORABLE T-shirt haha.. it was super-duper cute shirt(dog shirt).

Plus I had my Chinese birthday and my folks wedding anniversary celebration together since it was the same day. It was kind of nice to have the whole family down eating dinner but it is not nice when someone raise a topic which can kill the whole mood of such a joyous moment.
I also took my dad’s collection piece bicycle for a stroll. *smirk* the seat of the bicycle was horrible, first thing first let me describe to you what type of bicycle it was. It was a road racing bicycle, like those you seen in a triathlon. Honestly speaking it was nice riding the bicycle but the only thing I didn’t get use to it was it was very different from a normal bicycle as the wheels are small in width thus the balancing needs to be precise hahaa.. Because I was so scared of spoiling the bike I was being very careful and I look very clumsy on it. Next thing is the seat OMG.. its horrible YOUR BUMS WILL HURT.

Guess I need to keep cycling on it to get used to it, my dad scolded me saying how bad I was ridding on the road itself. But what to do I was having a phobia as I can’t see what is coming behind me and just getting use to this bike and I have to cycle it on the road with cars zooming past me. SCARYYY is the experience. (I got a backache from the cycling and a hurting BUM) too much cycling on a mountain bike that I forget the use is for different terrain but still a mountain bike would be much easier to cycle but the speed is not as fast as the racing bike.

I AM still waiting for my UNi acceptance letter, Adel was being nice telling me her acceptance letter she got it was around April 13th so I am just looking forward for it then.

Till then tata,
MAJOR Duivel.

2010-03-12T00:04:00.000+08:00

Today after volunteering or rather I request to leave early. Dy was cool with that since this is one of the best ways for her to ease out her guilt that I actually help her out a lot for the past 1 week rushing for stuff.

I meet up with my gang of friends and we went to IMM for Fish and Co. we were gathered because they want to do a back pay for my birthday. So yup I decided to go as I have not been out with them for a long time. The meal was ok hahaha.. V spotted that I was in a foul mood and was trying to get it out of me when we were on the way to IMM. I replied her with a smile and said “see, there is nothing wrong and I am not in a bad mood” but she didn’t believe me and said that she won’t force it out of me.

After the meal, Vanessa Whipped out a present and said “This is from us, now u have to guess what it is” (it was actually a HEAVILY wrapped up present with lots of layers of props to confused me) I couldn’t tell what it was… My brain keeps telling me “Face towel”. “Toiletries” then I asked what kind of thing is it u need to give me a clue so I could narrow it down. And I gave examples to them but they didn’t wanted to give me till mag said: “Something that uses your brain or rather your mind?” Woah this kind of clue make me think so hard and Books was in the list. And I keep saying A book? , I Dun know.. then Sudoku really came to my mind and mag blurted it out “Don’t tell me you thought it was a Sudoku book?” and I laugh and said it was actually on my mind haha… till the unwrapping till the last stage I still couldn’t make out the shape of it and when I give up they let me see my present, my reaction was just “Oh…” in a monotone way with a straight face. And everyone on the table was shocked by my reaction as they didn’t expect me to be like an ASSHOLE.
half of my mind was wondering what has my mind got to do with SIMS 3 ? and the other was I was expecting something sophisticated But I am happy except I feel bad at my reaction given as it was 360 degrees out of the way. I told them they should say “Entertainment” then I would be closer hahhaa..

THANKS A LOT… I WILL GO INSTALL the game tomorrow as now even I am dying to try it out. My mom Is watching her drama on the main computer. : )
Ps: gosh I feel so beat.. I am so lack of sleep now .. * yawn*

Major duivel

2010-03-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

Today, I am all stone like crazy when I woke up. I felt my heart aching like crazy when I see mikey looking down and he seems to be in pain. Until couldn’t stand it I want to bring him to the vet which end my fun with someone. Who actually remember of me in her SCHOOL Dance and then text me but her text didn’t get through to me hahaha… so in the end she still went against my order when I say DUN text me again and she did it anyway.
Thanks a lot again the mystery person for your text message.
hahaha today is still my birthday in a different time zone, a few of them started to text me wishing me a happy birthday.

now seeing how painful and hard it was mikey to walk, my heart completely broke into pieces as my best Best friend was hurting and he is not enjoying have a cone on his neck to prevent him from licking and biting his paw and now his front left paw is in a bandage. (tomorrow I will remove the bandage so that I could clean it and put medication for him.

I wonder how he is going to sleep tonight. I seen the way he walks around/hop around and how he tried to sit down and it is very disturbing for me to see him like this.
Hehe… I went to birthday party today and it was nice hanging out with some of my poly mates not everyone was invited as not many ppl know him hahaa……….

Major duivel

2010-03-05T23:59:00.001+08:00

Ladies and gentleman (if there is any)

I had a blast week, I have been so tired and busy of course. I have been volunteering and helping a friend out so it was nice doing something to take up my time at the same time I felt my friend was rather pitiful so some of us as friends actually stay back after our allocated time and willing help her out. I guess she is so grateful and touch by us that what we have been doing has long past the grateful and touch meter but it has went into the sector of feeling bad. She felt bad that we stay back doing things which we could just pack up and leave and let her do it all alone which I doubt she could finish it alone.

A few days ago, a friend of mine (someone I dun want to mention their name) was sitting next to me. This friend suddenly call out to me and merely touch my right arm getting my attention to ask me a question, I was drawn away by my work immediately (as I did told that person give me a moment) as I felt a warm feeling gushing through me after that touch and it linger awhile I think because my friend had patted my arm but left it there for awhile. Seems like I have been “touched” hahaha… I couldn’t concentrate when that same person call out to me again. Rofl… I don’t know why but i guess I am so deeply “touched” that I am confused hahaha…. Somehow it felt good to have this feeling. Or maybe I was cold and that touch kind of felt nice hahaha on the skin. I seriously don’t know but I guess it must have been not many ppl around really did pat me on my arm and left it there that their body heat seep into my skin and maybe for that moment I felt that I was alive.

today it was my birthday and it was kind of funny. Because I was so tired from everything, I had tons of messages from friends wishing me happy birthday and 1 of them actually call me up as I log off msn early. ROFL…. I GOT A birthday song which make me laugh at 12+am. After the bombarding of message at midnight I crashed on my bed and was dead to the world till 7+am and I thought it was Saturday already ahhaha… and my birthday is over. And with hard thoughts on it, it’s still Friday and I still need to go do some volunteering work. It was like a joke to me as I thought it was over as it was just getting started. I guess my friend DY learn some new stuff about me hahaa… as I don’t specifically tell ppl what I like as I usually get it myself.
I have gotten 3C’s today. Starting with a Chocolate Muffin as a birthday cake from Dy, then in the afternoon I gotten a small Chocolate Cake from jarain and in the evening Pauline gave me a Chocolate swiss roll. HAHAHAA…. Dy laugh along when I cringed my face when I said “Why is it chocolate again?”
Other than that my whole day was quite ok except I was pretty zonk out now. I even went for training and didn’t even hang out with my friends. LOL… tomorrow I would be busy again, a birthday party to attend to haha AND YES I GET TO SEE MY FRIENDSSSSSSSSSSSS and my BF's will be hanging out with them next Thursday and Penguin i will try to arrange time to hang out with him hahaa...

I guess I had already looked past birthday as it felt meaningless to me already. I cant help seeing it as a normal day but thanks to my friends who text me and stuff, you guys rock as you guys make me feel deeply grateful.

Ps: I finished the chocolate muffin and I guess and hope I don’t get sick. My friends who know me well enough will know the reason why. HAHA I force myself to finish it (oh ya i wrote this without any brains on and i guess there is lots of grammer and errors hahaha forgive me on that)

Cheers,
Major duivel

2010-02-25T23:50:00.001+08:00

Many would have wonder where have I gone?
such as I have been missing like out of action or something.
well, if you really want to know ask me personally then *snicker* haha...
I have a long ass day today,
Thanks for the shirt Bon… (I like andre’s a lot too hahaha sometimes I feel like signing up in that university printed on his shirt hahaha) I am surprise you know my shirt size hahaha…

anyway.. I had a long day and it ate up 80% of my brain and I think my life have become so distasting that I feel like taking a sledge hammer and smash every single thing up, in my brain, not physically.

Ok now I found fact abt my dog so correct:
Most terrier breeds are remarkably similar. The same words are used over and over -- quick to bark, quick to chase, lively, bossy, feisty, scrappy, clever, independent, stubborn, persistent, impulsive, intense.
those are some things they wrote I find most of them quite true tho http://www.yourpurebredpuppy.com/reviews/silkyterriers.html

I AM blasting Classical TO COOL the brain down.
------------------
What would happen when your safe haven has been invaded?
What would you do to move your safe haven into a new one?
What would you recommend?
A complete disappearance off the world,
that sounds like a plan to come up with but hard to execute without the right resources.
guess I have to come up with something new to hide my safe haven.
------------
I am tired so I am off to cool in my air condition room, Trying to get back sanity or rather piece back my broken brain.

Major duivel

2010-02-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

i wrote this on my tumblr. But hey my tumblr is like a spare place, I never really blog there alot,
i thought it would be good to share this on this active blog.
---------------------
Would you let go when it is time?
Would you look back and regret making that decision of letting go?
is it a good thing to let go of something which was dying in your clutch and seeing it carry on living well yet deep inside you were hurting?
What happens when there is no more ‘would you’ but changed to ‘can you’
can you let go?
Can you look back and not regret?
----------------

I can’t remember why I wrote that but hahaha… I never remember what it was when I wrote anything.

today I finally chat with ciara hahha it’s been awhile since the whole CNY thingy I was so busy so as she was. And suddenly out of the blues (No, ciara I am not going to divulge what our conversation was so don’t worry when you read this) it was something to do with her Personal message on msn which I find it interesting and one of the keyword was Pride. And at that point of time I felt that I didn’t know what ‘pride’ is anymore so as ‘dignity’.
Isn’t it confusing when something to do with pride has something to do with dignity it’s a package. When you lose pride you will lose dignity all together. But when you gain dignity it doesn’t mean you gain pride back. A person pride is not easily repaired, now if that is the case then isn’t it same as egos. If everything is almost the same yet having so many terms then why have it in the first place.

What really happen to a person who lost their pride, dignity and egos all together?
----
something different from that whole brain bashing on words

I keep having vague dreams, the most vague one I had was on Monday after speaking to bon on msn. I end up having another vague dream again. This time it was weird, SUPER duper weird. Bon I know u read this, no strange shit except I know someone was capturing me and but This one was SUPER LIKE action movie hahaha…. I don’t remember it well.

I wonder when can I have stop having strange dreams of ppl?

the other day I wrote this while chatting with bon

“sometimes when we are desperately reaching out our hands and there is nothing solid for us to on to that is how empty we can be”

Major duivel

2010-02-20T03:17:00.004+08:00

Chinese New Year just blew by me like any normal wind just breezing by Singapore.
It was something which is remarkably Boring yet fruitful in a way (if u are looking at the money prospect)
I don’t really bother about the money prospect as the amount of red packet doesn’t excite me anymore, but rather I would rather stay home watch some movies and relax with some booze (maybe). My CNY was spend with my folks travelling around, seeing sights and sound in quiet Singapore where there is nothing to do much during this festive season.
Seriously you won’t want to know what I have done in those 3 days (CNY last for 15 days for those who dun know, currently it is the 7th day now) I was so tired that I could sleep for days and during those period I was keeping myself away from all the snacking as binging was the only thing to do. It’s either eat or drink to keep yourself occupied for hours. Just one lucky day I get to try my luck or two with blackjack and I won a little just for fun. (I don’t gamble and neither do I encourage it).

I want my friends back but what am I going to do to savage it?
I have been pondering on this question on how am I going to or rather how can I make sure my Best friend and I will not drifting further apart and be like complete strangers whom we all once knew each other. Guess it is time for me to do “rescue the friendship” operation haha…

guess it will only work when Poly starts they vacation and I will have to hang out with my peepz before I go to uni or we will be in a complete different universe all together. Save what I can and drop what I can’t hahaha… sounds mean but will i be dropping ppl off? *shrug* I dun know. beats me too :)

-----
something random:

A book is a object which could open up and close anytime as it is accessible.
A person is something which could easily close itself but not be accessible for it to open up.
a lock could only be open when it wants to ,
so tell me isn’t it how we humans are, we are a book, a lock and a person like how I describe above all roll in one to be named complex personality people.
-------

Major Duivel

2010-02-12T21:36:00.002+08:00

Today it was a long day. I was awoken by my boisterous brother who was talking on the phone like in the morning 7+ to 8 am. I was on the verge of shouting at my brother to talk softly. This is the problem when your rooms are next to each other and your door is open. But I quickly dose back to sleep as I was too lazy to shout at him to keep it down.

and the next thing I remember was someone calling me from a distant which was my mom and a pair of hands touch me and I was shock and woke up. The night before I actually promise my mom to follow her to go to the market for groceries shopping but the next morning seeing that I was so sound asleep she came to tell me to carry on sleeping and when I wake up help her do some stuff. And I was mumbled a reply and was drifting off again my bro came into the room and start rocking me forcefully to irritating mikey, who was on the bed. When I started to yelp due to the forceful Rock, mikey started to growl at him. And my mom end up laughing I was still groggy and my mom told me to just go back to sleep. And what really woke me up was when my brother blare his stereo system with limp bizket and trust me hot dog flavor water is gonna me you curse at him. So it would be 47 fuck in that fucked up rhymes with mine included. But I was sleepy and started to shuffle my way to the master toilet and my mom was shock seeing me there, thinking it was the little emperor (mikey) who woke me up and I said no the other one (my bro) was the one who woke me up.
The whole day I was doing things for CNY. morning was groceries shopping , mid afternoon was helping my mom do some cleaning then afternoon it was washing of the car. I went to wash the car on my own haha.. spend abt 2hr+ washing.
and now I am tired.
5 mins ago my god pa just called and asks if we wanted to go Shanghai dolls hahah canto place again…. I think If I am going it will be for the booze only haha he ask me if I want to go DRINk hahahaa.. I seriously need some drink to calm my unnerving nerves.
but chances of me not going is high as there are lots of stuff to be done and i am tired to travel to boat quay plus after all the running about i think i will settle and drink something at home

Major duivel

2010-02-11T23:55:00.001+08:00

I guess I always dread CNy just because there is so much preparation work to be done just for one festival. I wonder would there be a day when CNY become something that everyone would just look at it and shrug it aside as a normal day. It’s getting irritating with all the errands running about the place. Ok I stop talking about CNY as a Chinese I should be happy but some part of me is not. So be it then.

A friend text me at 3am in the morning(1 day ago i guess i cant remember) and I was so knocked out that day to reply her with a thoughtful answer as this question is something I don’t even have the answer at the point of time( It took me a couple of minutes to read a one liner Chinese text message which I didn’t have a proper brain power to function) But honestly I was very tired and groggy but I understand the question which got me thinking the next day well this is the question “as a human being is it possible for us to disappear without any string attached/conditions”

Sometimes I do feel that I want to disappear as I can’t stand it anymore.
For my friend to answer your question, we all can disappear it is whether do you want to do it or not. As do you want to drop everything and say I Had enough and I am going to just disappear without a trace and leave everything behind.

now after saying this, I didn’t understand your definition of disappear is it like escaping from everyone and go somewhere where no one know you or do you mean Complete disappearance like no such existence in this world or you could just simply said capture by aliens. (please enlighten me on and if u read this it is solely my POV and I don’t have a book to look up for such a answer thus I can’t give u a straight answer for this question as such a question only you can answer for yourself.)

isn’t it a bit scary that our life is filled with conditions and attachment here and there that sometimes it suffocate us to the point that we are trying our best to gasp for air.

Sometimes when I smile, doesn’t mean I am happy.
Sometimes when I laugh, doesn’t mean that I am really joyful.
Sometimes when I keep quiet, doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion.
Behind every smile, laughter and silence I am simply trying to hide my real feelings.
Feelings that will never be shown,
for I have forsaken myself, so will you be able to see through my pretext ?

Major duivel

2010-02-09T02:34:00.000+08:00

Let me do my last min blogging.
it was horrible on Sunday. It was absolutely a bad day for everyone in my family. Electronics devices were all faulty and this drives us nuts a little. Things weren’t as smooth as it should.

My dad upgraded my bro’s room stereo set. His LG player went to my room as my hi5 set was faulty and I can’t listen to any cd’s. So my brother got his own room theatre with full sound surround system and it was pretty cool as I was watching a movie in his room I like it.
I end up having a sore shoulder for carrying my cpu tower yesterday and today I had to go pick it up and I gotten a sun burn while fixing my car’s stereo system. It was having problems. Yes I spend a good amount of time there and I got a tan arm now.
V day and CNY is together I guess for me it would only be CNY and no V day. Even tho it is international friendship day cum Chinese New Year, but everyone would be busy and hanging out that day is stupid most places would be close or the pricing would be twice the usual.
now I wish I was in S.D so V day would be a friendship day . hahah… ;)

major duivel

2010-02-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

I hate it when I become the phone operator for my parents. I know I am skillful in talking to company’s who products has problem and they are not making their customer happy. But it seems I am always the one doing the talking and my folks would be the one calling the shots and yes I am the one physically calling them up abt the whole thing.

My appetite is seriously screwed up. When I see food I feel full, when I put it in my mouth after a few bite I felt that it is enough. And I get that feeling if I were to think of food lots of food I think I might just vomit. Nin said that maybe I am too stress after asking me if I was sick. I hope this keeps up thus it would be like a free weight lost program hahaa..
Today it was interesting as I was chatting with someone as it was really funny and fun for us to come out with a trip to the Caribbean seas with plenty of sharks in the water hahaha… I really hope we would carry on with our plans haha

Major duivel

2010-02-04T13:10:00.003+08:00

I wonder am I losing my mind or what.
As sometimes after a while certain things that I didn’t notice became a habit and after not completely that habit cycle it feels like something is off. when actually this ‘thing’ aka habit was not in your system in the first place, it was like added on which it was not in your daily routine at all and suddenly one item on your checklist is missing I bet it felt weird and you would be completely lost as you don’t what to do anymore.
I am trying to modify or readjust my habits as this kind of bad habits isn’t useful or good to me. But rather it will make me feel weird thus I have make up my mind to kick certain habits and create other good habits.

After chatting with V, I notice I am starting to neglect my friends it’s not like I am really neglecting them it’s just that we are drifting apart slowly in our own ways that now we are all on different paths of our lives and we are too busy to contact each other. Thus I think I will make an effort to stay in contact with V first as a start. I am glad she like my CNY card hahaha..

Something is amusing me and the more I think about it, the more interested I’m to find out what is my friend’s reaction when he heard what ciara is going to tell him. Rofl… I can’t really visualized his facial expression as ciara would be telling billy “sorry, I am sort of engaged to prissy” ROFl… I think xin would be twitching in his position and billy would be flabbergasted. Or maybe I might get a punch from him. Hahaha I dun know… but I will scheme this with ciara hahaa.. I am not worried about billy or xin finding it out here as THEY DUN READ my blog hahaah or even know of this place. Then after seeing their reaction I think I might die of laughers.

I wonder does everyone see their friends as potential customers or clients.
I don’t understand why some people can’t differentiate or draw a line that friends are not your potential gold mine and you always start digging at them when you need them. If they are not your friends then I think it is 100% ethically alright for you to start digging at them. But if they are your friends like GOOd friends I think it is not ethically right to keep selling things to them. I don’t know and I don’t want to get involved with whatever is happening now. So I shall leave it as that.

Ciara good luck in your studies regards from yours truly ROFL… (only if u see this hahaha and i HOPE u dun as u should be studying ahah )

Major DUivel

2010-01-31T22:40:00.002+08:00

If my life was like an electronic circuit board how good is that?
When I have someone who screw up my life it would be treated like a components is faulty and all I could do is just remove that component and replace a new one in its place. So how good is that?
And if it was that easy how good it is for everyone. And let’s say my life is so badly screw up and I can’t repair it I could just change the board, re-program my characteristic, personality, lifestyle and those important things that is me which was backup earlier and everything would be okay and over and good.

Sigh~ if it was that easy then I think everyone in this world would thank for such a good idea.

today went to trim my hair. End up that person cut or rather crop off quite a bit.
Sigh~ hahah I cant do anything now, can I ?
its been a long day and I am so tired now running here and there and stuff. There is so much on my mind that it is killing me. Tomorrow it would be the DAY for me to register for UNI so hell yeah wish me luck ya. ;)
suddenly it feels like I have the world weight down on me haha

i realised that sometimes i wanted to post something i will leave it on my word doc in my com for so long and just carry on another day ahaha... sometimes it was like 2 days ago i wanted to post the blog entry haha i dun know should i say i am busy or should i say i am that lazy

2010-01-27T14:16:00.000+08:00

A few days ago I spoke with a taxi driver and he was very knowledgeable and educated me on things which was not taught anywhere; especially textbooks. And I appreciate that this wise old man shared his experience with me and it enlighten me on things I didn’t even thought of.

Yesterday I also spoke or rather chit chat with a friend of mine. She shared with me things and I was shock to know what was actually going on. Irony, like the saying everyone has their own problem to face but does everyone understand what they have done to cause the other to feel problematic?

I sometimes don’t know how my brain function I may be talking to u and thinking what to say but at the back of my brain there is another part working on its own and thinking of other stuff. I think this is call MULTI tasking simultaneously but what I hate it when Both of them are trying to get out and my words become gibberish I seriously need to sort my thoughts out sometimes as they don’t run in the same line.
V day is coming so as Chinese New Year.
I remember to buy a new year card for a friend I felt so bad as every year without fail for CNY, New year day she will send me a card. Time to return the favour I always forget to send one out to her as I didn’t have the habit to send a card during festive season. LOL… I just bought one and I am gonna write and Post it out soon or else I will just surely procrastinate it till the last minute to send it out.

Major Looney DUIvel

2010-01-23T00:30:00.002+08:00

Today I had a nice chat with “my girl” in san diego. Lol… we tight yah? (I hope we are) Kidding just joking

Anyway, today I realized one thing. I dun think I realized it, like suddenly I have been pondering on this for a long time and I think my life is like that song from bee gees – I started a joke. I feel it has been a joke that I would be laughing at when I see it and it seems just like the song in a way.

just now when I was looking at my MSN list. There were so many people online but none of the people were the one I want to talk to at the moment. Then I wonder do we have so many ppl on msn just to show that we do know people or we were simply lazy to remove them just in case u need to find people when in need?

I think I am in a denial stage hahaha… I don’t know I really don’t know what I want now, what I want to do. Haha and I don’t even know what I am writing anymore.

Ps: If you read this ciara hahaha.. yes I will go master that song. So when I master that song you will be the one to hear it first ;)

2010-01-21T00:45:00.006+08:00

Recently I have been riding an emotional rollercoaster. I felt anguish, despair, disappointment, dejection.. and others . Only a small gradient of happiness which could be easily extinguish by the other feelings.
I had officially given up hope in people and trusting them. And I can 150% say this out loud in words that I don’t trust anyone, anymore. Humanity is made up of only 1 category of people and that is people who have bad written all over them. (To my friends just read only as this doesn’t affect my friendship with you guys’ hahah) you would wonder why I would say there is only one type/category of people and not said two; good and bad, this is the reason why. In everyone there is good and bad but how often are we 90% good? And how is it possible to use percentage to weigh how good or how bad you are. In western views they believe in the 7 deadly sins and I agree with it. These 7 deadly sins are in build in everyone.

I do admit that I do, DO some of these deadly sins I won’t say I am proud of what I did. I am not that nice as what everyone thinks I am. Even if you come up to me and say “you are honestly a nice person and a good one too” and my reply would always be “I am not as good as you think I am”.
Sometimes I wonder if I could come up with what is killing the kind/good nature of the human race.
but this is like the top 3 things I currently don’t like.

1) The art of human mouth; which is using your mouth to kill people without physically touching them and such examples are Gossiping, backstabbing… and other mouth related activities such as hurling abuse at others

2) Being overly realistic; some people are so realistic that it would make the good hearted people to change. (I have seen people doing this so much that I despised it. I don’t want to give an example but I think everyone of us would be able to get an idea on this one. )

3)the almighty brain; some people would overwork their brain and try to analyze everything; looking beyond the invisible line, they scrutinize everything and keep thinking of this and that and not use their brain to do the right thing but rather look at things that doesn’t even bothered them.

I notice recently I have taken a liking to take bus trip to places. I usually will take the train to get to my destination but for these past 2 days I been using the buses instead. I am not sure but somehow I feel that when I am taking the bus I get to see what I usually miss out and not notice at all. Like today when I was on my way to yishun. which I could easily take the train and be there in 10-15 mins but I took the bus instead.(Which would be a slightly longer journey) I started to look at the surrounding and try to absorb what I saw today, and what fascinated me the most today is the clouds in the skies.
I know it sounds stupid but I saw two different group of clouds merge together and I started to wonder to myself ‘how is that even possible?, the clouds are different in mass; there was one which was in a darker shade of color that the other and It was going to pour. thus how can they just merge just like that’ the other thing I started to wonder is ‘how is it possible for the clouds to look fluffy up in the sky and if it is all about water then is it possible for us to recreate clouds on land, like in a lab?’

You see for a moment I was like a 5 year old kid wondering and looking at the world as if I never seen it before.

I had a weird dream last night and it left me pondering at it the whole day. It seems as if I am looking at a story unfolding in-front of me. I am still trying to piece out why I dreamed of that. And could it be because I listen to lala shu’s song on repeat too many times that it triggered a weird dream.

I better go now or else I would have a hard time to wake up tomorrow.

ps: My friends don’t worry haha I will trust you all enough to call u friends hahaha..

Major D.

2010-01-13T22:41:00.003+08:00

I think a lot of my friends are facing the same thing.
A letter from CPF, asking us to pay the money we use for our education for our education for 3 years. I would find it a big shocker to open up your letter box and see a letter asking u to pay around $7k. it would not only be a shock but a thing that we all would be like.. “HOW AM I GOING TO PAY?” as most of us are not working and still studying it would be like the end of the world and for those who are in university it would be an added burden as they are already loaded with bank loans for their university school fees. For me now I would also be pulling my hair a bit.

For me now I have settled all the documents I need and submitted to the right channels.
1 down and 1 more to go and that is my university application.
After hearing Adeline was struggling to cope with her test and get good grades I am starting to worried too. 1 year in university is about 6k+ so do you get what I was trying to say. I don’t want to waste money in university. I guess I am mentally prepared to the core to just dive in and Fight all the way out of hell.

Currently whenever I listen to utada hikaru’s Goodbye mr Lawrence – FYI. It gets me so happy at the same time relax. Haha sounds like I am in loved with utada hahahaha

DAYBREAKER IS COMING OUT… ANYONE WANTS TO GO WATCH IT??????? I hope it opens on 20th
next week only Wednesday I am free. Then 28th then it would be in feb 8 onwards hahaha… if not we all have a meal how abt that?

ps: if you want to ask me anything go (when i say anything i really meant ANything)--> http://pthree.tumblr.com/ask

2010-01-05T17:24:00.001+08:00

Today I had brunch at the coffeeshop downstairs and I started to reminiscence my poly days. And it was the second day that they all came back from their holiday break. One year ago today, I was in class with my friends stressing over the problem thrown at us for us to solve. Something like it would add on to our knowledge. I was smiling at myself for all those little things we all did in school, even in the coffeeshop I remember some good-old times. And now it is already a year since I graduated everyone is walking their own path now. I missed my friends as how we will always organize movie outing after class to de-stress, how we would get together to solve the day’s problem, how we grumble about our team-mates especially those smokers aka slackers. And how we always have mini-party in class with everyone doing their things but sharing what they bought from the bookshop.
Another thing is how much we complained about our final year project.
For me I miss everyone and I really want TO hang-out with them again.
Movie outing anyone?
I must go organize an outing for my FYP teammates first.
Then with our DBME usual gang

-----
this world is filled with darkness,
sometimes darkness is blacker than black,
wider than the horizon and deeper than a black hole.
Now tell me why would someone want to sink into darkness?
If vengeance and revenge is the answer, then I would say you are childish.
For me I live in darkness, therefore I didn’t sink in it.
At least I know how far is enough and how much is harmful.
Would you know?
Would you even find out what you are getting yourself into?
What I would say in the end is that the one consumed totally by darkness is you.
For we are similar in certain way but also different at the same time, I will still walk under the sunshine but still live in the dark, whereas you live in darkness and walk in an unlit path. That where we are different *evil smile*
----

Major duivel

2009-12-31T18:56:00.002+08:00

A New Year is arriving, and it would be a time to bury whatever mistakes and grudges we have in 2009 and move on to the coming New Year. When you are looking forward for the New Year, it would always be setting new goals, new resolutions and a new start for the year.
But I wonder is there a real new start of our life, like a reset button, or was it being said so everyone would subconsciously feel better?

I know I did certain good and bad things, I am not that sort of person who will reflect like at the whole 2009 and then go apologizing to everyone and say Hope the New Year arrives It would be on a whole new page. It’s like you slap someone first then you apologized just because you will feel better for the New Year. (i will just take note and try not to do it again)
For me a new year is like another chapter of the same book. Where others would see it as closing of an old book and a new book arise.

If you ask me what is my New Year resolution or goals. I would say I don’t know as I don’t want to set them as most of the time I won’t fulfill them when I set them. But I will fully embrace the new year with courage as whatever obstacle is ahead and run into it with full force.(of course not blindly)

Happy new year my friend’s I hope your new year is a greatly lavish one.

-----------------
What was said was never done,
What was done was never said,
what was done and said was never showed.
What was showed was not what we want.
What we want will never be showed.
What we don’t want will always be lingering.
What we hope will always be diminished.
So tell me now how is it possible to break through all these?
I would simply tell you to look forward,
And not expect anything,
fight all the way through,
till you see your light which will lead you to your dreams.
--------------

Major duivel

2009-12-23T15:43:00.003+08:00

How can you feel both excitement and anxiety at the same time?
Somewhere in me I feel like I am getting sick like I saw something horrible that I want to vomit.
Its exactly the same feeling what I am feeling now.
I have this excitement yet anxiety feeling which is making me sick.
I know this is the not the first time I am having a short trip with my folks and there isn’t always a perfect getaway. But somehow I cant stop feeling this way.

I am not sure am I like 150% happy. But I think when it is time, I would just heck care all emotions and just enjoy my little getaway to the fullest. Maybe it is the phobia I had travelling with family members.
*shrug* I can’t be bothered now.
I am going to genting for a day and play all the thrill ride and I am gonna enjoy screaming my lungs out. and the rest i would be in KL

-------------------------------------
What was it that you wanted to say?
What was it that you wanted to do?
Why do you keep appearing in my dreams,
when I don’t even know you in the first place.
Were you all the same person?
Sometimes I think you all are the same person,
just in a different day with a different situation that I will meet you.
Now can you please tell me what is it?
For every time when I meet you,
I know you know me but I don’t.
Please don’t talk in riddles for I don’t understand.
Please tell me what does all these dreams meant?
For every time when I woke up I can only vaguely remember what happen and what you said.
Thus I beseech you, please tell me who you are and what do you want.
For I don’t know why, every single one of you felt so familiar and close.

--------------------------------

ps: MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIENDS.... HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR TOO HOPE U GUYS GET DRUNK AND WASTED FOR THE NEW YEAR

Major duivel

2009-12-16T15:54:00.003+08:00

hey everyone,

i notice my playlist music is missing. actually no.. it is actually that the songs we put into our music players are video and the simple skin we chose for our music player cant support it.
thus the only way is put it into the ipod skin like what i did.

I also change my song list in this playlist.
i added some local artist like Shirlyn tan- window --> I LOVE THIS song alot , hope u guys like it i am so gonna buy her cd and maybe go Wala wala to see the unexpected (she and her band) performs there.

another local artist is daphne khoo- desperate.
the rest are international artist

major duivel

2009-12-13T17:15:00.002+08:00

Sometimes things are all shaken up but eventually everything will go back to its original place or at least somewhere and not all over the place.
I guess this applies to anything and everything.
Everyone would have their rightful place to be or at.
But it only depends on whether is it suitable for you or do you feel comfortable being there.
Sometimes it take us a lifetime to understand our self first in order to find out is this particular thing suitable to yourself. Thus in the end we all will find our own finish point and look back at it and glee that we actually did so much in order to get to this finishing line.
Now I wonder, what kind of surrounding would I see at my finishing line?

MAJOR DUIVEL

2009-12-10T20:44:00.001+08:00

I can’t understand how can someone be so overly hyper sensitive to words?
A simple miscommunication could lead to a full earful nagging of what I deemed as an act of rash impulse. Does it matters if you are going and maybe you are going? These two are the same, as even thought it was my blunder to say ‘you’ would maybe be going, as the actual fact is you want to go.
Come on what’s the difference? If the word maybe doesn’t appear in your dictionary then I can’t educate you on it as maybe is 50/50 you can Go and you may not. So you can just confirm if you are going only, and you don’t need to make a big fuss. Or read too much into stuff saying I was twisting up the fact on you wanted to go. So now tell me, if you say you are going and in the end you can’t then what’s the difference with Maybe you are going?
Now when someone tell you the timing to be there and you start complaining “HOW can I make it there in time it is too early?” now tell me what do you take it from listening to these words? And as a kind soul you replied: “it’s ok if you can’t make it, you can don’t need to attend.” And that person when hopping raging mad again, saying you that you are stopping the person from going or demanding that person not to go and who are you to stop that person from going.

If these kinds of things keep carrying on trust me I will really walk out of all matters and not be so actively involved with them anymore. I will make sure I will be busy and not accompany them that often. I had enough of these whole I WANT TO T AKE CONTROL drama shit. You are already THE EMPRESS what else do you want? Throwing your weights around is not enough? Making others having a horrible time is not enough?
I can’t understand why can you just calm down and listen for a moment as sometimes things don’t always appear as what you take it from. If you nagged and scold someone for 30 minutes do you think that person Attitude would be real nice, the tone would be good? I doubt so, therefore before you say someone is rude to you, try to think about was that person rude in the first place or it was something else that trigger this person to be this way.
And I really think you never reflect on what you did, you do things your own way. living with a motto : “My way or the highway” ,“I am always correct”. But at times you act, as weirdly dumb as I wonder is it on deliberate or you are programmed this way.
I am so tired from all these I want to hide away. Or maybe I am still hiding somewhere.
Will there be a day when I am calm to not involved with all these and be happy?
Every time I am near to “it” I feel I get everything happy sucked away. So many ‘Dos’ and ‘don’t s’.
I am living with invincible Rules and regulations
Here is another thing I found out today. You can’t trust anyone not even your own father. YES NOW MY ATTENTION IS DIRECTED AT Him. I was basically ranting about what happen (word is ranting like what I wrote above) and you know what he did?
he told me “you have no determination,” I asked him “What do u mean I don’t have determination? In what way”? He said “in everything”. I asked him again “Give me a example” he then said “ You have no determination , 忍 you cant (忍)REn , you just cant ren, what you just did was blare everything”. Now it really ticks me off “do you know these two words are different?” “Do u know what determination is” then we went into a full scale argument. HE said some mean stuff and I was still controlling my anger I didn’t even blow up and blare at him. And he went on saying SEE you have no determination. ( I did talk back to him ) I also warn him that if I were to really blare at you it would be worst. And you know what he said “I WAS PLAYING WITH WORD TO ARGUE WITH HIM” who was the one using words he don’t know in the first place.
I HAD FUCKING ENOUGH…. I HAVE NO NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF ON MY SELF-control of my anger, endurance is the fucking English word not determination.
ENDURANCE (/tolerate) I DON’T HAVE THEM and DETERMINATION if I fucking didn’t have this two I would have killed myself 10 FREAKING YEARS AGO. GOT THAT? (Yes ppl I have been an unhappy child since a long time ago)
FOR THOSE YEARS I BEEN A BOTTLER. Bottle things up AND someone told me I should not do that, I should let things out sometimes. EVEN THO I STILL BOTTLE THINGS UP, TRUST ME IF I explode it would be worst that what I said in that little girly tiff. You know I had it when adults say “IS THIS HOW U TALK TO YOUR PARENTS”. SO now tell me what should I do Bottle things up and explode and things get even nasty than what it was. Or should I speak my mind and get accused like that.

I had it, I HAD ENOUGH OF EVERYTHING, HOW FUCKING SELFISH YOU ALL ARE. It’s always about you not about others. If THIS IS A COMMUNIST STATE THEN I WILL AGREE THAT WE CANT SPEAK OUR FUCKING MIND. AND SUCH A SIMPLE THING LIKE THAT CANT BE DONE then fine. I will go back to my old days and start to Bottle up and explode again. I was an angry kid and I still can be.
I started to be cynical when I was 10. What difference does it make when I’m already so big now? You just added more on that notch.
My friend lenny always tell me Endure it and it will be over. BUT how long can one endure all these shit 5 years, 10 years 20 years or my entire life.
BECAUSE MY DAD SAID I HAVE NO DETERMINATION, Guess what I am DETERMINE TO MAKE HIS LIFE MISERABLE.
Some of you might think this is childish. BUT I seriously have enough of taking crap, shit and whatever thrown at me; I had enough of being a fucking punching bag. Working with my father make me OPEN my eyes I won’t want to work for him, why? HE thinks I am idiot, raising his voice at me when I Scroll in too much or when I was switching between tabs to look for stuff to show him or simply when you ask him a question he started to RAISE HIS Voice again. And every time when i have a tiff with him over the drawing stuff, I will always say, oh yah… I am not like those ppl you pay to help you do your drawing because I AM FREE, therefore you can scold me, for those people you can’t.
Plus he DOESN’T LISTEN.
And the best thing is WHEN HE does a mistake, not my own fault. He calls me up, talking to me in a tone that IT was my fault.
Yesterday i went somewhere and I read the paper. I laugh and told my mom did she read about the drowning of 4 kids. I was laughing as I find it funny. As which kid will jump in to save their sibling when they can’t swim, shouldn’t they run and get the adults help? It is a sad case I know it is a sad thing but I find it funny how not 1 but 6 of them will be in the water. I was told by someone that I was not being sensitive and I was mean.
Can’t you see I give up on being nice,
I was taught that in humanity nice is an over-rated word and it was placed in the dictionary to make IT looks nicer. And being nice never gives you anything else back except an entire truck full of CRAP. I really have enough, even if I die even tomorrow I will not feel a single drop of sadness even though there are many things I never done yet or accomplish yet. I would rather feel a sense of relieve.

Time for me to escape into my own space,
I guess somehow I never left that dark place in my heart, it just grows and grow and spread. And the only peaceful place is that dark, black hole.

2009-12-06T13:35:00.004+08:00

*pick up microphone*
“Ladies and gentleman, Step right up for an amazing show is about to begin”
“if you may please stay tuned for a Once in a life time show, which is not to be missed by any chance”
*drop microphone on the floor*

Now I gotten your attention, *smile*
I have been busy recently. So much has happened and so much stuff to settle.

on Friday night at 12am(midnight) mag, me, chin and xy went to surprise our birthday princess with a big surprise. Which she was so surprise that she didn’t know what to say(plus we know u are a sucker for surprises) we went over to her house and when it was midnight, I called her up even though her sister told me she was in the toilet I told her sister to Make sure she has to open the door immediately as I got a DHL person who would be there in a minute time as there is a package for her which she need to Receive it personally. We lighted the candles on the cake and was waiting infront of her house door, And when I was in front of the door I immediately cover the peep hole to see who was outside her house as I know the first things she will check is through the viewfinder to see who was it. Thus it was a surprise I can’t let her know that it was US outside. When she open the door we laughed like crazy at her reaction and started singing her birthday song.
We then started to Say “WE ARE THE FIRST to wish you happy birthday!!!”
this kind of surprise will only be done on special occasion, we have ignore the whole thing pretending we forget it is her birthday and she never expect us to be there in front of her doorsteps . As she only expects us to text her wishes.
It was super duper funny that night.
After I got back home I have to wake up in another 4 hours for my event.

I woke up feel ok, the event was not bad.
I would say it was really nice seeing how those primary 1 ongoing kids were so happy with simple things. The only headache thing is having them running about and screaming and stuff.
After the event I came back home Feeling very very uncomfortable. And I had other plans that night it was to go East Coast Park for a friend’s birthday party. I told my mom that I will rest first and see would I be able to go for that party as my decision to go was last minute, sort of an surprise to my other friend as I told her I won’t be able to attend this party.
When I woke up at 6pm or 7pm by my dad my body was still burning up and I feel very uneasy as I was down with a fever.
So yes I was down with a fever the whole night and feeling uncomfortable. I didn’t mind that I was the only one at home as my folks were worried leaving me at home all alone. But for me I won’t be doing anything except eat my meds and sleep.

This morning I woke up and my folks ask me to go out with them. I decline it again as I feel I might get sick again. And now I think I might be sick again, my body is starting to be feverish again.
And I feel lethargy again. I slept for 13 hrs I think.
Now what I hope is get well again. (This entire year I rarely fell ill thus I think this is the payback period before the yearend)

ps: i am still waiting for ppl to finish their exams then can go watch movies hahahaa
(please inform when it is over)

major duivel

2009-11-30T21:03:00.000+08:00

A void empty space,
a dark place just like a black box,
what goes in doesn’t come out.
Even if something comes out it won’t be as useful as you expected
Surrounded by the pure darkness, where no matter how much you shouted your voice won’t be heard. No matter how hard you try to hear your sobs, as your felt the tears streaming down your tearing eyes, All you could hear was your faintly heartbeat in the background of this room. Once again you open your mouth to shout, but there wasn’t any sound coming out of it.
Sitting there in this empty room, a-waiting for the first ray of light to shine into this place to light it up with colors as this world is only dominated by one color.
When would the blinding light pierce through this place?
Before the light come shining through,
everything would be as it is………………......

Major duivel

2009-11-13T00:28:00.005+08:00

For the past few days I couldn’t write anything as everything in my mind is blank.
When I see things nothing was streaming in my head except a blank wall. Every time when I tried to concentrate my cognitive mind to come up with something or at least something interesting but none of it came up except White smoke and blank walls.
So today, when I woke up feeling much better as I felt that finally my brain came back to me.

I met my first semester, first year facilitator, Kelly, at the coffee shop I didn’t notice her at first but suddenly I was like taking a double look at the group opposite me and then I realized it was her . It was nice of her to come over to chit chat with me.

I left the coffee shop after my meal when an ongoing downpour was occurring and I had to get back home to take a umbrella. As my mom send me to do an errand and I was not in the mood to drive but rather in the mood to walk there.
As I was walking with an umbrella under the rain it seems to smoothen my mood making me feel relax as the cool droplets splashes again my skin, with that constant rattling sounds on my umbrella. It was like music was playing through my ears.
And during that slow stroll in the rain then I realized that I like being alone. when i'm in that kind of state my mind is filled with words, images and thoughts.

Weirdly, a couple of days ago I was walking under the rain with a friend but nothing of such calmness came to me everything was blackout for me. Guess it only works when I am alone and my body had enough rest.

During the walk I start to notice things like I never usually notice, like what is it like when it rains and I just got out of school when I was in primary school. And seeing all those kids running in the rain make me missed those days where everything looks so big and beautiful. Now everything I seen is bleak and insignificant, I heard them laughing and playing it made me smile a little.

I guess I was in a very good mood during that time.

I watch Jennifer’s body with von and André. I would say we had great fun together except for dinner the meal in food court was Horrible that we ate half of it as we don’t want to waste our money and Ran to eat at MacDonald’s for a 2nd round. I never ate like this for a long time and somehow I won’t eat like that anymore. This type of binging is not good for me I tried so hard to cut down on eating so I wont want to binge again LOL.
Now I am sleepy, I shall go catch up on my sleep.

Waiting for the petals to fall off, to know what is await in front or what type of installment has been planned,

Major Duivel

2009-11-06T14:44:00.000+08:00

Sigh~~ I am hopelessly useless in a way.
I think I only know how to spend my parent’s money.
I think when I am not doing productive things such as studying for test or exams or something useful. I am wasting time and my parent’s money as I would want to hang out and when I do that I would be spending their money. I usually don’t ask my folks for stuff even though sometimes I do have want like things I really want and things I would need. But often I would have a want list and kept it away from my folks as they would have a massive headache if they see that.

I had learnt how to separate wants and needs when I was young as my family wasn’t very well to do in the first place. Thus I always think a lot on something before I buy it. Even now I am still thinking so hardly on the DSLR. On top of that is my Thailand trip. ROFL.. It’s seems I am spending money again somehow it seems that way. So people would say I should work. But the fact is I am working for my dad somehow semi-part time and I don’t really get paid as my dad would tell me this : “since when, when you ask for money I said no?” This always makes me pause in my tracks and say ‘he is right about that’ whenever I ask my dad for money he would give me without second thoughts. (But I didn’t ask for big amount like give me $200)

Hm… yawn…. I am so sleepy now.
I think I maybe down with a cold.
caught in the rain abit yesterday. (slight note to my friends who like to travel, tiger airway is having the early bird savers again so 1 dollar flight is back hahaa..)

MAJor duivel

2009-11-03T00:30:00.000+08:00

Recently it had been raining. It would be all warm, hot and humid and the next min it would be pouring rain so badly. My thai friend is staying in my house, it is really nice we all are like a big family. *chuckle* it seems like my parents had a daughter whom was being kidnapped to Thailand. This thai friend of mine had become a family friend not only that our families are like all close together, Like if I were to go Thailand I would be treated very well too when I am staying at her auntie’s place.
My friend had no interest in shopping in Singapore as the things here are expensive so I have brought her around to take photos of Singapore. I kind of had a crash course lesson learning things from her using a DSLR. She owns a canon D350 and I learn some basic from her. So it is good and I am kind of itching to buy my NIKON now… and she is here she can guide me on what I should get and what is bad and what is good. So I have someone I trust on advising me.

I received news that my temple is organizing Thailand trip and I told my friend that if I were to go Thailand which is Bangkok and I would extend my stay as my folks would only be there for 3 days. Lol…. 3 days is not enough for me in bkk.
NIKON D90 would you be mine?? ROFL………………. Going nuts thinking of it…

Ps: Jess if u see this, would you be free on 9th nov for lunch haha want to have lunch together?(in rp) (if u didnt reply me then i guess i must sms you soon)

Sleepy MAJor Duivel

2009-10-27T21:39:00.001+08:00

My mind is all clouded,
my vision is all blur,
my body is all fatigue,
my life is all in pieces,
what I need now, is what I always wanted.
When will I be able to obtain it?
when would I be able to sit at a cool place, with the nice breeze blowing at my face and my mind would just be blank and just enjoy what I’m having and the world around me is quiet.

Right now my brain is completely mashed up, I get rather moody when I don’t want it to be. Right now if you chat with me and the way I reply you it may sound that I am blunt or direct, but I may not be in a bad mood but I didn’t mean it that way. It is just my brain can register to make it all seems light and fun.
I guess my brain have reach it final period and it will just implode on me anytime. Currently I’m having a bad headache that I can’t even think straight. Like I am on drugs or something my mind is telling me to go sleep have some rest even my mind is filled with stuff that I need to do.

I am on the verge of taking a gun and pull the trigger on myself.

major mad duivel

2009-10-23T15:46:00.000+08:00

Ok I am all ok now. haha...

After that post I think I got so much better.
How do I say it?
It’s like I finally put a closure on that chapter in my book of my life.
I am still pretty screwed up as my body clock is all over the place like when it suppose to be sleeping time at night I am all up awake playing game and cant sleep and when it is time for me to awake I am feeling all sleepy and tired.
Argh I need to hurry tune back my clock.

My friend from oversea is coming. Yeah…. Haha.. She is one lucky person I would be showing her some culture stuff.

Ok now I am 100% not awake I going off now.

I WANT TO WATCH PARANORMAL ACTIVITIES !!!!!!! But no one wants to go with me

major duivel

2009-10-21T01:31:00.003+08:00

Sunday was a day that I would say I was both physically and mentally tired.i was choking back my tears on Sunday when I went back to the wake. I went back home at 6am to feed mikey and catch a nap before heading back to the wake with mom.
I went back with a heavy feeling in my heart. I was driving and I had to be strong for my mom as if I were to follow her and cry I don’t think I would even make it to the wake. I guess my brother, my dad and I is my mom’s pillar we have to stay strong for her which we did till the part when we can’t.

It was emotionally very sad for me, as I was controlling my emotion since the first day of the funeral wake. I was fighting to be strong and the breaking point was when I heard my mom sobbing very badly, my dad was holding my mom walking behind the coffin. Mom practically broke down and I was actually trying to go to the toilet when I saw my cousins and André carrying grandma coffin and not soon after that I heard wails and I recognized that voice I ran with all my life looking out for my mom. And at the point when I shall my mom I broke down, I quickly when in to help my dad support my mom and comforting my mom to calm down. My dad was also tearing too while holding my mom. Andre told me that he was choking back tears too while holding grandma coffin after hearing the wails as there is a saying that the coffin bearers can’t cry or even if you cry theirs tears cant drop on the coffin or the passed on person will find it hard to leave. When my brother and my cousins had placed my grandma in the vehicle, he quickly ran to our side and hold on to my mom. He started to cry too and hug my mom and walk.

The journey to the crematory ground was very heart wrenching. A lot of us in the bus we controlling our feelings, when we arrived at the crematory I told myself , that I might not be able to take it anymore as I have been suppressing my emotions for the past few days and I have been pushing my memories of my grandma away. The grandma that I will always remember, I shall only write on what I went through so bear with me readers if you are reading this. At the hall, I have not been good as I never wanted to look at my grandma portrait as we always call her pu ma(fat grandma) this is because I have two grandmothers which my parents find it hard to explain to us when we were young which grandmother are we visiting thus they will tell us we going to fat grandma house. The portrait used at the funeral was one that was before grandma became ill and senile thus there were lots of memories flooding my mind when I saw that. The auditorium was filled with jasmine flower smell as it was my grandma wish to have it filled the room with this smell. During that time I was sitting next to both my cousins both of which I have been consoling not to cry. As even I was finding it hard to control my emotions too, I turned to look at my brother he gave me a blown up face by puffing his mouth and I know he was holding back tears too during the service. I could tell everyone was controlling their emotions when people from the church was sending their condolences to us, most of us were holding on to each other for me I was holding on to my cousin hand she grab my hand and didn’t let go till it was our turn to offer a flower to our beloved grandma. It was quite chaotic here as everyone started to break down and cry. And some of them have to be escorted by their respective children. My cousins were all busy as we were all holding on to each other some helping their parents or younger cousin to the viewing gallery.

The viewing gallery was terrible. That I didn’t want to talk about it, at that moment of time I felt very very sad as if someone took something and stab me in the heart. Some many unwanted, bury memories started to flood through my mind as if it was yesterday I was still young.

When I boarded the bus to head back to my 5th auntie house, my thoughts started running like crazy forming words, words of things for my grandma. At that moment I suppressed that and compartmentalized it. Thus this is for my grandma.
You would be always remembered by me this way, for it will always be and forever it will be. The pain that course through our veins are a sign that in our heart there is always a place for you, even though our sadness is like a river flowing endlessly in us. I would want you to know how I will always remember you. You were the only grandma who I always looked forward to go to your house during occasion because without fail you will always give us a big hug and kisses on our cheek when you see us. And upon hearing us calling out to you before we reach the door steps you will always give us your smiling face. I will always remember that you, our grandma dote us all a lot and we always make you angry but you will forgive us after caning us. I remembered that there was a few times all of us ran out of the house some by the front door, some by the back door and the some by the windows. It was a real lively memory when we were in jalan kayu, our grandma house at the bottom floor.

We also won’t forget the food you have prepared for us. That even up till now I still missed eating in that house. I won’t forget our wonderful grandma who had difficulty walking because of your weight. You stood ourside the house and send us off one by one and who always smile and say good bye to us and after seeing the vehicle move off a distance then you start to return back to your home.

This is the grandma I would always remember, not the grandma who was heavily stricken with sickness and suffering. I know this is not fair when you moved out of jalan kayu u still were very sensible but we all had grew up so much and It was not like back then when you did all those small things that will always be remembered . as you were unfamiliar with the area and it would be a hassle for you to go downstairs with us. Therefore the best memories is back then to our so call playground neighborhood at jalan kayu.as practises couldnt be done anymore.

Rest in peace, I believe all of us will cope well in time.

Ps: I honestly had secretly wish that it was my grandma who go first as the other one didn’t really make me keep a place in my heart like my Gua ma( mom’s mother 外婆)
I have been smiling but it was that kind that was plastered there but now even if I want to smile I find it harder. But don’t worry guys I am well known for being strong I would be up and running very soon.

Mourning Major duivel

2009-10-15T02:44:00.002+08:00

Ladies and Gentleman (if there is any or those who recognize themselves as gentleman’s) ,

14th November I started my day out by wishing one of my friends, whom it was her birthday, which it was something joyous. Which it seems like a normal day, but in the morning at 9+am I received a call from my mom that my grandma is in the hospital is her condition is critical and I have to go to the hospital to see her and I have to arrange the trip down with my brother.

after hearing that I went back to sleep as I was tired and sleepy as I have what I have to do the whole day running through my brain, like I am scheduling my day in my head. And also my grandmother have been in and out of hospital that I am aware of and not all the time I went to visit her as she pull out of the critical zone.
I went round doing what was on my schedule and first it was the bring mikey down for his morning walks and get myself ready to go see my SHifu(master) for my knee treatment. So in between of waiting for the time to go by faster as my appointment was 11am I quickly gave another 2 more uniforms vendors a call on the project and they both gave me their green lights which was something I felt happy about. Then my brother called me and told me he was on his way home as he told his officers that my grandma is in hospital and is critical they let him went back earlier and we had breakfast together and I went for my treatment.

after my treatment I went back home and complete my task I was suppose to complete and did some more calling of the uniform vendors. And my dad came home we rush to do some impt work stuff and my mom was all panicky that she was rushing to the hospital and we were also finishing up and doing what we must before we leave such as bringing mikey down for his evening walk and feed him first.

On the way to the hospital I keep asking my dad questions which I didn’t ask my mom earlier as on the phone she was all teary and it is hard to get answers from people who can’t calmly tell u finish a sentence . I mindlessly told my dad if grandma were to go I think it would be time’s up for her and it is also a good thing as she had suffered for a long time, it would be the only way to release her from her suffering.
On the way to TTSH which we are reaching novena the first call came, my mom crying badly. I felt my heart swelling about to tear a bit but I control and be cool and calm and tell my mom that we are on the way and is reaching soon. The 2nd time my mom called me we were in TTSH carpark parking the car and my mom told us to HURRRY my grandma cant hold on any longer we need to hurry. My dad and bro practically speed up in their pace and I was like trying to drag myself to move faster. When we found the lift(we were a bit lost as we are not sure how to get to the wards) my mom started Crying hysterically and mumble my grandma had left us. That makes us even more panic, I guess not because of my grandma but there is no one there with my mom except my uncles and aunties and cousin.

We rush like fuck to the wards lift and were stopped again to do registration my brother Burst out in anger and started Scolding people and he calm down when he saw my mom. The reason he have them my grandma is in a critical condition and is dying but she just pass on 2 mins ago but he wants to hurry up to go up to at least look at my grandma for the last time in the hospital even though we were 2 mins late. We rush into the ward and saw my grandma there with an ECG with no pulse except a single straight like with abit of disturbance causing by movement of the bed.
I was so dumbfound as I really didn’t know what to say as like what I know inside me when I was in my dad vehicle I was already prepared. But I didn’t expect that this preparation being condition over time with her in and out of the hospital was finally in use and I felt peaceful suddenly when I was in that ward except they constant of seeing my aunties crying their eyes out and I was trying to tell myself I shan’t cry as it is something good and it is not a bad thing.
I am not sad or unhappy but I guess too many things happen in one day and the next few days would be a tired one.

MY knee after treatment and all the walking abt in the hospital seems like it have defeat its purpose at one stage I was feeling the pain. Then I rested my knee and tomorrow I need to go back again for another set of treatment as I would have medication on. My right knee notice by my master is slightly bigger than my left not because it is swollen but the ligament had healed and had become thicker which is a normal thing.
I have so many things to do… I Hope I can complete the vendors tomorrow and pass to JAJA and be off the next few days doing nothing but staring into space accompanying my mom to the funeral.

Now how will I survive tomorrow’s service I hope I could. Haha with a bandage up knee
No worries ppl I am fine, dun need to console me if it is mikey THEN maybe u need to do it.

lastly i hope my grandma would go to a better place than this world. hope u would be happier at the otherside :)
Major duivel

2009-10-12T14:18:00.001+08:00

I am officially hooked on glee more than vampire diaries hahaa…
Glee Is a drama that has singing as one of its element. Much like high school musical but on a better note as they sing more recently songs or rather they do covers of song from singer such as beyonce and etc. Thus it was a rather enjoyable show.

Yesterday, after doing all the helping out with my mom, we went or rather I drove my mom to tampines to attend one of our old neighbours; back in yishun, daughter’s wedding. My mom was so happy to see them all, all the Malays aunties and uncle actually stay nearby each other and have been in contact with each other all these years. My mom was so happy that to me it was like a scene like a high school reunion scene where good friends see each other again.
When I was younger I stayed in yishun my neighbors were all Muslims, all 3 of them.
My mom said it was quite noisy as we (the kids) would go each other house to play and also our house doors were never close or locked.
We all lost contact when they moved out one by one and so did we.
Now my mom was happy so as my dad, as these neighbors were really nice, friendly and helpful. And one of them is like my mom Best friend who is actually right next to our flat invited us to go over her place to have dinner one day and she will cook for us. My mom smiled and said : “I MISSED your chicken!” to that auntie. And here is the funny thing it was many years ago I only could remember fragment of things even their faces and my nickname was Girl girl they call me that hahaa…. But this auntie who invited us to her place remembered my name, even my brother name.

I guess fate of meeting old friends is something funny.
in Singapore it maybe a small country, but if you want to look for a person. It can be rather hard as the chances of bumping into your old friends are almost 1% only. On top of that everyone stay in different area and would have different lifestyle thus it would be hard to actually say it is easy to bump into someone you know unless you stay in the same area or you work around the same area they work in or you happen to bump into them when they are working, something like chances of serendipity.

I feel bad as yesterday or sat night I never text kt that I couldn’t make it I guess I have to make an apology to her on her facebook or I will email her about it.
*part on my knee*
my knee seems to be stronger, as I can do more stuff in training (with knee guard)
now I need to go make arrangement with my master there is a constant pain in one part of the knee when I do flexion and ax ion action. Hm…. I wonder how much longer does it take to be strong again. At least 85%-90% and I would be very happy.

2009-10-08T16:59:00.000+08:00

i am hook on this song now

Rihanna - Te amo

Te amo, te amo, she say's to me.
I hear the pain in her voice.
Then we danced underneath the candleabra, she takes the lead.
That's when i saw it in her eyes, it's over.

Then she said Te amo, then she put her hand around me waist.
I told her no she cried Te amo,
i told her i'm not gonna run away, but let me go.
My soul has arrived, without asking why.
I said Te amo, wish somebody would tell me what she said.
Don't it mean I love you.
I think it means I love you.
Don't it mean I love you.

Te amo, te amo, she's scared to breathe.
I hold her hand, i got no choice, uhh.
Pulled me out on the beach, danced in the water, I start to leave.
She's begging me and asking why it's over.

Then she said Te amo, then she put her hand around me waist.
I told her no she cried Te amo,
i told her i'm not gonna run away, but let me go.
My soul has arrived, without asking why.
I said Te amo, wish somebody would tell me what she said.
Don't it mean I love you.
I think it means I love you.
Don't it mean I love you.

Yes we can dance.
But you gotta watch your hands.
Watch me all night.
I move under the light because i understand.
That we all need love, and i'm not afraid.
I feel the love but i don't feel that way.

Then she said Te amo, then she put her hand around me waist.
I told her no she cried Te amo, i told her i'm not gonna run away, but let me go.
My soul has arrived, without asking why.
I said Te amo, wish somebody would tell me what she said
Don't it mean I love you.
I think it means I love you.
Don't it mean I love you.
I think it means I love you, I love you.

Te amo, te amo, don't it mean i love you.

2009-10-06T23:03:00.003+08:00

Howdy folks,

It’s been awhile hasn’t it?

I have been away for 3 days. And I would seriously say this I am not longer like
when I was 16 years old.

Why would I say that?

For these 3 days, I am constantly so wear out that I can’t stay up the night till the next morning like when I was 16 years old, darn suddenly I feel old. (Flash smiles at others, I know some out there reading this might kill me but hey I am talking abt myself hahha)
Ok let’s start this word blog, for pictures you guys can go my Buddy mag’s blog to see the pictures- - >

on Friday, I gotten everything ready and I was waiting for mag and xy to come over to help me out with the mini table I got. As on top of my bag, I have to carry/drag a cooler box filled with ice.

when they came over it was still quite early thus they chill in my house first before heading to the meeting point. While waiting I show mag the bag I was bringing, she commented that it was big but i told her I was lazy to actually pack everything into a smaller bag. And after much consideration, I repack my bag to my backpack. And even though I ask mag about certain things I threw out from my bag to fit everything into my backpack there was 1 thing I shouldn’t listen to mag. It was not to bring my jacket along. *bell buzzer sounded* it was definitely a wrong choice to leave it back home.

We all went to our meeting point after getting confirmation that V was all ready and is leaving her house. Thus our journey there was by public transportation which we need to transit a couple of times in this sequence Bus to train to bus again to reach the resort/chalet. Every one of us were very excited about this little ‘vacation’; we never hangout 24hrs together in a room together before neither did we had sleepovers before. Thus it was rather new and fresh for all of us.

When we got to our room I was shocked as the last time I came to downtown east chalet was on chee chin birthday and the room that I would be staying for 3 days 2 nights is the same as chee chin (room 1415). Thus I was laughing before I enter joking what if the number would open ? (Slight note it did open all 4 numbers for consolation yesterday but it came out 4151 argh.. I didn’t buy it)

So after we enter since it is 4 gurls staying there, everyone was being particular about where we should put our shoes& flip flops. V started to make all of us wash our feets and she started to rinse the toilet floor. Lol….

after discussing how to maintain our room in a Clean condition. We slack around the room, unpack abit of our stuffs and started Camwhoring hahaa.. after nuaing(slacking) enough we went to bowl at orchid bowling at Ehub. It was one of those moments I won’t forget at the bowling alley, how much I had laughed while playing. Vanessa and xin yi didn’t know how to bowl, on the other hand mag and I knew how to bowl but not in a very expert way. Thus there was lots of laughter’s in the air.
(we were playing halfway thru some dude came over and introduce the Nebo card to us and 3 of us signup for it)

after bowling we head to the supermarket to get some stuff we need. And I met cherrisa there , and I told her that I would swing by her birthday party later on. But I was having a bad ache and I told Vanessa that I think I did a fully body exercise today with the carrying on the ice box, up and down the bus , or even pass some pavement that doesn’t have a ramp. (the ice box is not that light, mag help me load it up the bus suddenly told me that her arm is starting to be weak, lol.. then I receive comments that I was strong haah.. I would rather say I am use to carrying such a load.) on top of that I was kind of scared because I didn’t bring my knee guard along, another item I left it at home. *grin* I have to pack less.

I went over to cheri’s birthday party I was shocked that none of my friends or people I know was there yet. I was kinda like a person out of place and I wanted to rush out of that place and go back to mag’s chalet room. But I didn’t, I just stood there looking around the room and slightly stoning; with all the exercise earlier in the day who wont to top it off I didn’t sleep much either for 2 days.

I was so relieved when Vincent came thus I chit chat with him catching up with him on what have been going on. I stayed there till the birthday gal cut her cake and I had finished up her triple chocolate mousse cake , which I felt was too Much chocolate for me and sweet and I had to force myself to finish it. I never like sweet stuff and chocolate I won’t eat a lot in a short period of time, thus I was nice enough to finish that big slice of cake on my plate. Plus with that cake in my tummy I was feeling slightly uncomfortable because I had instant noodles for dinner with mag & gang in our room. And we had a little drinking session thus somehow I feel abit sick. Cheri thought I was drunk when I came to her party haha… I am not ok. I am very sober when I went over.

Even though there were a little problem back in my chalet room, I hurry back and got what I need for Xy. After discussing with the rest that after I shower we can start our lesson on mahjong session, and I keep teasing them about showering. After that I self declare to them that I am a clean Freak so yup. they were aware clearly i am a clean freak but not to that extend haha..

we didn’t complete our plans by staying up the whole night to play mahjong, and we all were like good listening kids went to sleep at 2am. But I really think we slept at 3am the 1 hr in between were playing around in the dark, laughing and giggling. I seriously can’t sleep, I was not used having someone sleeping next to me and ontop of that the bed was different. V was the worst she didn’t sleep much but she told me that I and mag were the first few to fall sleep. I can’t deny that as I did sleep but I kept waking up and tossing and turning because my body muscles were aching.
The next morning(Saturday 04/10/09) even though we were so tired, mag and I were awoken by the noisy wild wild wet. They were doing microphone test and were blasting the music loudly. Mag started cussing loudly, and I was mumbling my swearing too. (lol mag swore so loud that I have to laugh at it.) on the other hand v and xy woke up and were wide awake unlike the two of us. Haha.. Then I heard some funny statement which I pretend I didn’t heard them say it and kept quiet and try to sleep again. Till V came and ask me again what I want for breakfast; like the typical me I didn’t reply as I close my eyes. She called out again and I told her im thinking and true enough when they mention breakfast I was thinking on what I want to eat. After all the lounging on the bed, mag went to get breakfast with xy from MacDonald’s but before this there was a mini drama and I was still space out on the bed and I heard screams and mag making a statement. This was what was said : “AH… COCKROACH!!!!” “Which person left the drain lid up?” “V COME AND KILL IT!!” and I was awoken by this mini drama all 3 of them were getting squirmiest with the cockroach and I was called in to kill it. After giving the cockroach a Wild wild wet journey back to the drain I went back to the bed and lie down and waited for my turn to wash up.
And basically we were rotting inside our room till 3pm afternoon and decided that we should get prepared for mag’s big day(birthday not wedding) so i got prepared and my dad called me and told me he was in the area as he was tendering for a job. Thus I went to meet up with him to chit chat, basically it so happen that he was in the area haha but I never thought of my dad checking up on me hahaha… but I was surprise that he came to look for me and he told me that since he was in the area he might as well meet me and have a tea or something before heading back home.

after my mini tea with my father, I went back to the room to look for the rest of the gang and they were still lounging in the room and in the absence of my presence mag took a short nap. I would say a very nice, comfy nap.

we head to EHub to get our nebo xzone card done and it was already 3+pm coming to 4pm and we received calls that mag’s family members had arrived in downtown thus we didn’t even managed to play any games in the arcade and we went to meet them. While waiting for more of her relatives to arrive, li chin came too along with her boyfriend but he came over to say hi to us and left after that.

ok I am doing a summary this is getting too long and detail. When mag’s buffet line came we went back to the room first to wait and get things settle. Thus when more guest came it was the start of mag’s 21st birthday party. Overall even though we discussed and agree with the no birthday pranks and sabotaging on the birthday girl because we were lazy to clean up the mess after that. But things don’t always goes as plan, mag’s MacDonald friends were all geared up to prank her. *do check out the cake smashing part on my fb video*
Basically the whole night we did lot of goofy and cam whoring. Doing lots of funny pictures like the one a naked person cover by the pillow it was discovered by me and I got them to pose for me haha…. Yes I am guilty as charged.
The last day was easy for all of us, since Vanessa and I did some area cleaning the night before. Thus it was really easy for us. As all we need was to pack our things up and we can leave.

Ok, enough of the chalet.

I shall summarize from here onwards. When I got back home, I was so happy to see mikey. I missed him so much and he was super happy to see me as I got His Laughing cow 8 big cube cheeses with me. And I fed it to him and he was like the happiest boy in the world. I of course did carry him and hug him like crazy, it is like I gotten so use to him being on my bed that without it seems slightly weird. Why did I bought him cheese? I guess some people might wonder, I make a pact with mikey that if he were to behave I would buy him his favourite cheese and on sat my mom called me up to make me talk to him and he reassure me that he had been a good boy, hehe he barked at me when I sad “Were you a bad boy?” lol and he did that pose which show we was good boy and my mom told me he say he was good boy. And he lick his lips when he show he was a good boy.
And after sending mag’s her birthday photo’s and talking to my friends online. I had a napped trying to get enough rest before I have to attend to someone else birthday. Which this 3 days straight of birthday cakes and birthday song being sung and buffets, I was getting a little sick of it. And at the sight of buffet I was all sicky.

Friday- triple chocolate mousse
sat- fruit cake (hehe.. Enjoyable)
Sunday- chocolate cake Again

*Shake head* please no more birthday cake for at least 1 more week or longer

Major duivel

2009-09-30T22:40:00.001+08:00

After 4 days of painting, gosh my body seriously needed some rest. Especially my right knee, due to the constant standing I felt it was aching so badly after painting each day. That after certain hours of constant standing I had no choice but to sit back down to do what I need to do as to rest my knee.

I was being reprimanded by my Shifu as the day I went out shopping with V I had a very bad pain in my knee and I never brought my knee guard out with me. And he told me I have to bring it out with me everywhere I go. Plus I need to constantly rest my knee by sitting down. Hm.. suddenly I feel so old with an injury like that, but I can’t be a hero anymore and just walk non-stop without feeling a pain in my knee.
Now my toe is in pain, here is the serious matter I didn’t knock into anything but I am like being punish for eating something which I shouldn’t. Now I know I seriously can’t eat it anymore, I won’t do it again for real I dun want to feel the pain anymore. TAKE IT AWAY NOWWWW…..

Today I felt the tremors from the earthquake while playing yulgang and I was first asking myself why is my body moving? Then I realized it was the same feeling I had when I first felt earthquake tremors and it was quite bad because I am staying at the upper levels or rather the Highest in this building. It was shaking so badly for me. That even mikey was starting to bark non-stop.

Jessie *smile at* it was great to see you, Looking even great in your long hair now hahaa… just joking hahaa… anyway you got a nice exam t-shirt to wear for your final’s. that brand seems rather cool, I might check it out soon. Oh yes, when you are free maybe we all can arrange and outing. Of course with siti,suki,may,ez and everyone we know , I bet it would be fun.

Ciara, Yo gurl haha I link your photolog I hope u don’t mind hahaha… I want to read more corny stuff haha…

For the next few days starting from Friday, I would be out of my home. Haha Chalet here I come, since it is mag’s birthday chalet I would have to attend. It is like a compulsory thingy. Haha…. I will bring so much ice mag you dun need to buy any.
plus kt will be in singapore on Sunday yeaaaaahh... more drinking and drinking

I am praying for the day which I feel totally relax again to come hahha..

major duivel

2009-09-26T01:36:00.005+08:00

I was so tired, my muscles all are screaming in pain.
After training it felt kinda good. But the sad part is my knee is still not 100% yet. *sulk*

I was getting all comfy in my bathroom, I sat in the bath tub to ease my feet a bit and letting the warm water from the shower tap relax my tense muscle from all the previous aches I obtained yesterday from painting. (One day I will have a bubble bath in that bathtub, so far I never soak in it yet. I only sat in it that all)

While being so relax suddenly it hit me again. This is what hit me:

Isn’t it funny how people say they will carve their own future?
Others will say they will pave their own path, then what they want to use is fine. For me I want it to be different, maybe I say I want to pave my path using gold and have myself walking in a monotone colour which may seems nice to you but to me it is boring. I want my path to be something colorful not having rainbow colors splashing everywhere. Maybe something like this, when I started out I would use red path and follow what I believe till the end and when I think that is the end of my red path, I will start out with another color maybe yellow next. And this will go on and on.

Then my mind sways away back to something I discuss with my cognitive teacher before, trying to answer my previous random thought.

Is it wrong to have something different from others?
Who in this world has the right to say this is right and that is wrong?
Or vice versa, I don’t think anyone could. To me certain thing could be right and to other it is wrong. It is all the upbringing or societies we are brought up in, that change all our thoughts, belief and norms.
and then if no one in this world has the right to say what is right and what is wrong, then how is it possible for anyone to judge others. What rights has been given to anyone to judge then?

Suddenly in me I started to think of how I would look at a person as a question I pose to myself. First that came to my mind is to look for the persons inner beauty but if I were to overwhelm by that Inner beauty and all the good points of that person, I would be so clouded to see the bad points and not so beauty of the person. Thus now tell me how should we look at others, this is like a coin; it has two sides to it. And honestly people are the worst of all, let me correct that, humans are the worst of all. They created this and that and that and that. Plus they have more than 2 sides unlike the coin.

When people started asking fundamental questions, no direct answers could be found anywhere. Thus everyone will turned to beliefs, religious and culture. Now let’s think properly in this (I am not saying against religious or anything, no offences I am a believer in one religion too) if you cant find an answer, you tend to turn to others who could provide you a fulfilling answer.

Now, let me ask you one question. What do you presume will happen to you after your dead? Is there life after death? I seriously don’t have the answers, I can’t give you my answers I am not going to give you answers I know from prior knowledge (religious, folktales, etc).
if we were to set that aside, empty our prior knowledge, would it be that we just die and a magical *poof* we are gone, nothing else is left.

From what I written so far, did you notice one thing. Everything is said and being done by humans. There are so many things we follow without questioning what is being fed to us, as we are all willing to accept what is given than to twitch our brains to even think through what was being told for once.

Just like in the morning I ask my mom a question.
“Mom, why do you know it is the ice cream man when he rings the bell?”
my mom’s replied “naturally as long you hear the bell ringing it is the ice cream man in the kampung.”
me: “ then how does the nut seller sells his assorted nuts? “
mom : “he shout ‘kacang puteh’ “
me: *speechless* “but how in the first place anyone know that an ice-cream man ring his bells to just sell ice cream. Who started this? And why can’t it be something else?”

Why can’t be a drink stall vendor be the one selling drink ringing a bell? Not only the ice-cream man get special treatment where every generation down the road will know that familiar sounding bell is from the ice-cream man. Seriously, it is kind of weird to acknowledge something which I don’t even know how did it started. My mom thought that it was a way to attract customers but honestly do you think I agree with it fully.

*chuckle* yes I thought through all those in my relax shower. Except the icecream man case which was what I heard this morning the loud, chimes coming from downstairs.

Ps: finally something not about my own daily lifestyle hahah.. V --- -> I got a tagboard there do leave messages

Major duivel

2009-09-24T23:59:00.002+08:00

Gosh... I am so tired now.
I have been painting the house with my mom the whole day.(only the walk in balcony)
*feel burning stares directed at me* OK I confessed not really the whole day but half my day was gone helping my mom.

Mom gotten up early and went on her morning routine. She didn’t want to wake me up, so she just told me she was going to get breakfast first and come back to work on the house first. So when I finally woke up; due to the constant barking of mikey, I woke up and scolded him for being irritating.
My plans were to eat, run an errand and come back home to help paint the house. But my mom keep holding me back to help her move this and that, so basically I was hold back to do those little things I won’t complain. When I was finally ready it was around 11+am or 12pm.Can’t remember though, so I went for my late breakfast and while I was crossing the basketball court my mind was running a drift on yesterday’s outing.

As I was already on the pavement to the coffee shop the first thing I notice is that, the coffee shop was quite filled with people and as I walk closer I notice a group of familiar looking people. The first thing that comes to my mind, “wait the group of people looks like jessie’s colleagues+friend” so as I gotten closer I was like, guess I was right and that person in red could be jess (I was still walking so I can’t confirm the person since She was facing the front). But anyway I was correct about that first guess plus I never seen her at that coffee shop having her lunch before. (I presume lunch since I’m having breakfast. I won’t know what everyone is having breakfast/lunch/brunch hahaha)
haha after my meal I quickly,rush off to my errand running, then hurry back to help my mom.

Gosh have more painting to do tomorrow :) haha... So I won’t be online till maybe at night. Wait I won’t be online tomorrow at all as I have training at evening.
Yesterday when I was out I guess my knee was hurting so badly that I was like limping and even when I was back home it was still hurting so badly that I started to do my self-treatment again. (tsk tsk.. if my shifu find out he might kill me as I was slacking off since I didn’t do my maintenance of my knee cap) but seriously I guess it was the rheumatism that was killing me last night.

And after talking to my mom, I am gonna get the same thing I got for mag’s birthday present ahaha… YEAHHH.…. Approval had been approved.

HEHE… but I will get it later after the birthday; because I don’t want to spoil the fun OF this mystery (what are they getting for me?) Mag might be hoping it is not a set of tool kits consisting of shackles, handcuffs... Etc. How about inflatable dolls? I guess the number one on her No-No list is Lingerie, since we always tease her we will buy her a SEXY full set for her birthday yet we have not yet done so… hehe… Mag mag mag you are so under our scheming hands. *evil laughter* EVEN IF I were to say what I get for you, you also won’t know hahahaa… because u don’t read this blog. YET I STILL READ YOUR BLOGs now and then. *pout*

*i have a feeling lot of sentance structure is all over the place, cant be bothered now to edit*

PS: V.. i was grinning like crazy on my walk to my errand because all those funny things keep popping into my mind "GReen LAND" hahahaa...

MISCHIEF Major duivel (just like the color i wore today)

2009-09-24T01:35:00.003+08:00

Woah… the date today was Ultimately SUCCESSFUL. Hahaha.. (Very long update)
anyway we got what we need, and I would say it was a rather fun day. I had so much fun that I almost forget who I was.

First I had a nice brunch at taka’s Omu rice. It was my first time eating there so yes, it was a filling meal. Vanessa accompanied me while I was eating, even though I gave her a bit of my meat patty for her to try. So we were thirsty, and I was still a bit hungry (greed has taken over when I saw takopachi) so I told her let’s get a drink first in cold storage then get to that vendor.

So I seriously think cold storage is the same with its super new looks, due to the revamp and seriously we can’t find the drinks of our choice thus we left. SO after I got my takopachi, which I keep telling v that seriously that guy working in that store was ~~staring~~ checking her out ever since we walk pass that mini booth. (I notice it when we first walk pass as it was so obvious he was Checking her out) but she shut me up by asking me to stop teasing her. Ok... So after I was done buying my bacon and cheese, v tucked me and said: “wanna try mochi” while stopping me in my tracks and pointing to beard papa. I was like I am ok with anything.
So we choose the flavours and I was shocked not knowing it is $2 per Mochi(thinking it comes in a pair), we took pischato and raspberry white chocolate. Both were really great except the raspberry one was like a stone when we tried(over freezing it but I told v because it is not popular so no one buys it but she say Expired hahahaha) . LOl V didn’t believe me till it was her turn to eat the other half hahaha… and I started teasing V again as usual. (I can’t remember how many times did she told me to “STOP It” the entire day hahaa… )
Ok when we found a place to sit I told V that if we are still hungry we can go to the mid-autumn festival event and try all the tester. She burst out laughing and joins in saying that if we walk one round and try everything we would be so full that we had settle our dinner.

OMG I am in LOVE ppl…… WITH THE PRESENT WE BOUGHT FOR MAG… OMG how how…. Lucky it is now with V or else I might not turn it in. *pout* darn why do I have to always give people the presents that I am in love with? Sorry people I can’t mention now what I bought for mag… But I tell you the brand of this gift is very eye catchy hahahaa… that when I stroll at ion orchard, I don’t feel any where poorer hahaha…. Kidding kidding…

HEY to those appreciator of liquor out there, I found a real cool shop call VOM FASS at ion orchard level 4, the sales girl is very very nice and friendly. And I have to tell you it is like a shop where it sells, brandy, whiskey, liquors & spirits and also Vinegar and oils. When you step into the shop you will face bottles and bottles of colorful liquids (which I can’t help thinking why the bottle looks like cauldrons in a very modern way) and I thought I walk into a scented shop which sells perfume or oil stuff. And when she started introducing the products I was shocked to the core, and to top it off U get to test it (FOC).

The policy of the shop is that you can buy a bottle of your choice (the price varies with the design you choose cheapest is $1.80 [I love that bottle but it is sold out] ) and the ml.(100ml,200ml etc) and you pick which type of product you want and they will fill it up in your bottle. And the price also varies for the different products and they all charged per 100ml.(but I guess u cant have a 200ml bottle saying I want 100ml only that kind of thing I am not sure how it work if that were to happen. Will check it out next time when I am there) The bottles are PREETYYYY…. I AM PLANNING TO GET IT NEXT month. Ok back to the introduction of this. So after buying your product and you finish it, wash it, then bring it back to that shop and buy your refill again(this time u dun need to buy a bottle anymore ;) ) I like the concept of this.
I tested Vanilla Dream which is GOOD, then Plum brandy (i didnt like it) lastly , Strawberry limes it tasted ok just somehow i feel it is abit sweet. V love the strawberry limes and vanilla dream. (note: strawberry limes is a hot seller) hehee... my new place to find pleasure suddenly. After leaving that shop both of us keep thinking of that shop and the taste of what we just had and it was just like a drop of it and we are attracted to it. (i told v every month we can just go back there to get another flavour hahaa)

oh yes,close to this shop there is a supermarket call 360 and trust me the items inside are SOOOO... different from wat u see from an average supermarket.( next time i have a party i know where to buy different types of potato chips)
We stop by havaianas and I got my flip flop haha… finally my own H-flip flop. So yup, a last stop in shopping was for cheri’s birthday present.
After that we chill out in a shop near the food court in ion orchard. (I can’t remember the name of that shop) I was suppose to go to the hospital but after chilling out for awhile I told v why not have dinner together since I am not in a hurry( which in the first place I felt bad as V wanted to eat and after I told her I won’t be having dinner she complete didn’t want to eat there and will head back to woodlands to grab something later, even though I forced her to carry on with her plans she didn’t want to.)

After doing a heart to heart chit chat with V to tell her some things that is on my mind, I was getting irritated and a bit pissed by what I shared with her. I was starting to be hungry, which I joked with her that how a angry person get hungry fast. So she asked me if I was for real having dinner and I said yes. So we left that café and went around the food court checking out the pricing and I was very shock a bowl of minced meat noodles is $5. *Faint* then V saw the price and I called out to her “are you kidding me? $5 for a stupid bowl of noodles?” while she said: “pris, I think we eat elsewhere, here very expensive”. I scanned all the price tag to the foodcourt and it was really expensive.

I had to bring miss V back to takashimaya since she already mention is that a MOS burger in Ion which I told her I don’t think there is one. And I have to seriously say this girl Doesn’t have a single sense of direction which I have to drag her around the place. I will laugh at her when she say “are you sure this is the right way to taka?” and I will just laugh and say “just follow me”. Then suddenly I saw a Japanese guy who wore a real stylish outfit and I left v walking infront of me while I happen to stare at his outer coat. I find it funny as I keep looking at it to confirm what I saw, I saw him having a coat like a BATHRobe hahaha… V called out to me to snap me out of the mode and I laugh and told her “ that guy is in his bathrobe” she hold on to me while I walk on Afraid that she might get lost haha… (Me) “I bet that was his bath robe 10 years ago, the length of it is shorter than the standard bathrobe and it really looks like a bathrobe”. I end up having a good laugh with her.

There are more stuff actually but I don’t want to Type everything out.. I spent the entire afternoon and evening with V so there is a lot of things going on like jokes and laughers going around.

Now I really can’t wait for the chalet. IT would be a blast. Haha… V beware hahahaa…
Mag I hope u don’t read this as we never buy your present. LOL…. I guess you wont even know as you don’t read my blog. Tsk tsk disappointed.

Happy&Tired,
Major duivel

2009-09-23T12:48:00.002+08:00

If this world would just stop spinning for even just a while I guess I could just take a break walk around and do things I want and relax myself for once. I’m getting tired of pretending that slacking around is kind of fun and relaxing. When I have all this free time I am starting to ask myself some fundamental questions which I hope, it will just stop popping in my head.
I was also wondering if there is a time when I really need to leap off a cliff (not like bungee because it was what I wanted to try at least 1 , you live to die once only so why not try everything if you can hehe my ideology hahaha) would I do it? Would I just jump off and plunge into something I don’t know? Hm… this is like your future as you never know what is ahead of you. Thus would you just dive into something first then re-evaluate it later?
So… now I am so mentally tired. There are things that were built up since young and I had enough of it.

Every corner I turn is like walking back to the original spot,
walking in this pointless, meaningless maze is killing me horribly.
So you think I need to go holiday?
At least run away from the reality for a short period of time.

I’m still wondering how hard it is for one to understand another.
And that answer to this question is quite hard. And it is even hard to get the other person to quietly listen to you and not cut in even before you finish. Then I wonder where has the mutual respect of your own “air time” to speak gone too. I blurted out a statement once, which I even said that I didn’t mean it in any other way just like a statement, with no personal attack on that particular person. And this person being all close minded started Jumping around the place saying I was insulting him/her directly. I was very pissed off as even me being so careful of my words and tone was being mistaken so tell me How to make a coconut understand what u are trying to say. (for those who are wondering what did I say it was this “I guess this topic is going to be a every dinner topic” honestly do anyone see any needles or P.A to this?)
That is why I rather keep quiet and not say anything,
once I was told not to say anything abt my friends and etc around me to them as they have no particular interest. The other day I was just saying “what should I get for my friend, cheri” and I didn’t ask for any answers, soon after that 2 days later I told that person I know what I am going to get. And something happen and this person went “You don’t have to keep nagging at me what u are going to get for your friend, that is none of my business “ Do you know how pissed off I was?
I was very pissed off that I shut up immediately and not speak of another word. Inside my heart I was cursing like no other and also reminding myself that is why I hate to strike a conversation with that particular person. And worst of all, this person makes me so mentally drained that I have to think 10 times before saying anything. I sometimes have to even think on what I am going to say as it may be nothing but to that person it could mean HELL a lot. It is always narrow mindedness that will kill this world. Do you know how many times I would like to tell that person, GROW UP AND don’t always think you are right and correct about everything around you. (this person can’t grow up any more since he/she is quite grown up) another bad thing is this person is not Keen in listening to other people Point of view. That why I said it is very hard for me to converse with this person, I feel so mentally drain because I have to plan what to say even in a place where my defences are down.

do this person really understand what I am thinking?
do this person really know why certain things said were meant of the own good of the other party so that he/she wouldn’t be left out?

Hm so much questions inside my head.

Ok let’s change the air around here *take air freshener out*

Recently whenever I look at my finger I feel so empty as the ring I got from Malaysia, well I broke it by dropping it on the floor hahaha… so it was split cleanly into two. It is like some kind of stone(black agate) hahaha.
Today, weeh I would be going out today to get some stuff, the most impt agenda of this trip is to buy birthday presents. We already know what to get for them. So I would be so broke by end of this month, 2 birthdays back to back to each other. The next thing I am going town is to look for a hard casing for my guitar. I want it to be fully secured and rest well(hehe… She needs to be in a very comfortable environment). Now I am having doubts like Should I buy a havianas flip flop? VERY very tempted to get one though, next week is the chalet haha what I smell is fun, fun and more fun. I am still thinking how to escape from the party on Friday, I cant let mag down since she was the one whom book all of us down. Lol… headache headache…

MD

2009-09-07T16:18:00.000+08:00

Hm…

Life is such a muddle.

I am so zombie like now.

I realized that recently I having sleeping problems again. I find it awfully hard to sleep and it is as if I am fully awake. Or maybe my brain was not resting and was running after a train and somehow my body is resting thus making me very restless in the day time. Its like at night you know you are tired but you just cant sleep. Sigh it is happening again, I find a way to go to sleep again at night haha…

If u notice I had changed my music playlist and put in some of the latest songs which I like. I hope u guys like it. My friends would be coming over from New Zealand soon. Haha can’t wait to party with them, I guess next month would be a fun one for me; Friend’s Birthday chalet back to back with my friends visiting from abroad. Lol.. Soon it is time to upgrade my internet plan and get my integrated wireless modem which I am dying without having wireless in the house

MD